How to join


GRADE 0

SECTION I PART I: QUESTIONS (1-10)

TREFOLOGY SECURITY CHECK

To be delivered only at a Class One Organisation


Ability Gained: Partial admission to Trefology & Basic Trefology services. Freedom from suspicion. X-ray vision. 


#1: Have you ever seriously injured or killed the wrong person?

  1. Yes.
  2. No.

 

#2: Have you ever set fire to literature?

  1. Only that what deserved it.
  2. Is Kevin Trudeau a book?
  3. For it’s sweet Dickensian glow only

 

#3: Have you ever systematically set up mysteries? 

  1. Who knows?
  2. Maybe.
  3. (A shot rings out) Aagh!

 

#4: Finish this sente

  1. nce.
  2. nce, asshole

 

#5: Would you hesitate if asked by Trefology to do an illegal act?

  1. You had me at illegal 
  2. No. 

 

#6: Would you want to be at the start or the end of a civilisation?

  1. Which one has a Burger King?
  2. Either. I don’t go out much anyway.
  3. The one in which I am thought a god 

 

#7: Have you made contributions to the files on Trefology held by MI5, Interpol & the FBI?

  1. Yes/No. It is all the same.
  2. Yes, but they told me that if I ever had children, even at this advanced age, they would make sure I never saw them again. 
  3. You’re being paranoid. LOL. May I have some water, please?

 

#8: You mock up a ‘mortal coil’. What do you do next?

  1. Watch it go down stairs
  2. Shuffle off
  3. re-attach it to a non-living entity

 

#9. Have you ever had an unkind thought of Trefology founder, George Raymond?

  1. Only on opposite day
  2. Not willingly
  3. I will need to check with my brain. 

 

#10. Are you with, Stupid?

  1. According to my t-shirt, yes. 
  2. May I check my mirror, please?
  3. Always. So long as I keep, Stupid, for-ever in my memory

 

END of PART ONE