The sea calls to me.

It says,

“Hey, George!

Get a load of all

this patience!”

If you invite

Marshalls & TJ Maxx

to the same holiday

party,

don’t be surprised

when they start

making inappropriate

comments about

Nordstrom’s Rack.

.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

3.

Sometimes

I worry about

getting old.

***

Then I remember

the 104 year old

who jumped out

of an airplane

for his birthday

***

And I realize–

It’s never too late, folks.

***

But unlike that guy,

I would advise you wear

a parachute.

.

I got tired of always

misplacing my keys,

only to find them again,

later, in the last place

I would think to look.

***

So, now, I just

leave them in the

last place I would

think to look.

***

Right at this moment,

my keys are in a

jar of grape jelly.

.

2.

Another problem solved thru trefology!

When I am at

a restaurant,

I don’t want

the waiter to

tell me the

soup of the day,

I want him to

tell me the

soup of to-morrow,

so, I

can invest,

accordingly.

***

FOOTNOTE:

Past soup is no

indication of

future soup.

In an orchestra

the French horn

is often the most

arrogant.

My friend J. told me

if I get nervous

speaking in front of

large groups

try to picture the

audience without any

clothes on.

***

But I don’t have that

good of an imagination.

***

So, instead,

***

I just ask the

audience to please

picture me naked.

.

2.

There was

a fourth man

in the tub

with

the butcher,

the baker

and the

candlestick maker,

but no one

remembers him,

because,

he was

between jobs.

The only way

I will ever play

Carnegie Hall

is if I

hunker down

and practice,

practice,

practice,

my lock-picking skills

I saw a ship

at the pier

and wondered

how it would

look inside

of a bottle.

In the olden days

I probably would

have been

the Town-Crier,

because

I’m always sad

about one-thing

or, another.

>

2.