The time-line

While going through some old boxes, looking for my kazoo, I found

the written record, taken by me, of an unfortunate

incident at my first rented flat in San Francisco in 1985

***

6 a.m.

House-mate awakens

feeling violently ill.

***

6:15 a.m.

Woken by his cries,

I immediately

fall back to sleep.

***

6:30 a.m.

Woken, again, by

his cries, I rush

to the kitchen,

and fix myself

a heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

06:45 a.m.

I call the doctor.

***

07:30 a.m.

Doctor arrives,

rushes to

the kitchen,

and

fixes himself a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

08:30 a.m.

Doctor goes to House-mate’s room.

Sends in a canary.

***

11:59 a.m.

Canary returns

with a renewed

sense of pride,

an olive branch,

and a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

12:01 p.m.

Doctor administers medicine

***

12:02 p.m.

House-mate feels better

***

12:03 p.m.

House-mate dies.

***

12:30 p.m.

Doctor composes the Magic Flute

***

12:45 p.m.

Austrian Deluxe singer Falco records ‘Rock Me Amadeus’.

***

1:00 p.m.

George runs out of ideas for time-line bit.

***

1:03 p.m

George begins working on next bit.

Aufs & oafs

I have always

suspected that

my sister was

a changeling,

***

Each time our

mother would

go out

to collect wood,

***

my infant sister

would suddenly,

stand up,

dance about,

play the bag pipes,

drink boiled oil,

and, place empty

walnut shells

around the fire.

***

When our mother

would return,

she’d ask,

“Who drank the boiled oil?”

***

Who do you think?!

Come on, mom, wise up!

I want it to rain on christmas day

IMG_8122


2.

“I want It To Rain on Christmas Day”

written & performed

by George J. Raymond

Copyright © 2020


3.

Recorded by my father on an iphone with guitar and drum machine during Christmas of 2020


4.

I want it to rain this Christmas Day

I want the rain to

wash my tears away

***

To all the people I love

who are so far away

I want it to rain on Christmas Day

***

To all the people taken away

from their homes

So afraid of dying alone

***

To all those people

 I would like to say

I want it to rain on Christmas Day

***

Oh, if I could only find

Some peace of mind

This Christmastime.

The time before sandwiches

DID you know

that the

people who lived

during the

Middle Ages,

did not

eat sandwiches?

***

That’s a fact.

***

It turns out,

sandwiches

had not been

invented yet.

***

This, despite,

having

ALL

the ingredients

for one.

***

They just ate them all separate.

***

For, you see, back then …

***

First you bit a chunk of bread,

then you bit a chunk of meat,

then you bit a chunk of cheese,

and, then, I assume,

you licked a spoonful of mayonnaise.

***

Then one day,

the Earl of Sandwich

happened by,

took notice of this,

and said,

“I think I can help these idiots”

***

And later,

the Earl opened

a small deli.

***

… And I hear he was quite successful.

***

Finis


2.

Happy 79th Birthday, Mom!

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