The time-line

While going through some old boxes, looking for my kazoo, I found

the written record, taken by me, of an unfortunate

incident at my first rented flat in San Francisco in 1985


6 a.m.

House-mate awakens

feeling violently ill.


6:15 a.m.

Woken by his cries,

I immediately

fall back to sleep.


6:30 a.m.

Woken, again, by

his cries, I rush

to the kitchen,

and fix myself

a heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.


06:45 a.m.

I call the doctor.


07:30 a.m.

Doctor arrives,

rushes to

the kitchen,


fixes himself a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.


08:30 a.m.

Doctor goes to House-mate’s room.

Sends in a canary.


11:59 a.m.

Canary returns

with a renewed

sense of pride,

an olive branch,

and a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.


12:01 p.m.

Doctor administers medicine


12:02 p.m.

House-mate feels better


12:03 p.m.

House-mate dies.


12:30 p.m.

Doctor composes the Magic Flute


12:45 p.m.

Austrian Deluxe singer Falco records ‘Rock Me Amadeus’.


1:00 p.m.

George runs out of ideas for time-line bit.


1:03 p.m

George begins working on next bit.

Aufs & oafs

I have always

suspected that

my sister was

a changeling,


Each time our

mother would

go out

to collect wood,


my infant sister

would suddenly,

stand up,

dance about,

play the bag pipes,

drink boiled oil,

and, place empty

walnut shells

around the fire.


When our mother

would return,

she’d ask,

“Who drank the boiled oil?”


Who do you think?!

Come on, mom, wise up!

I want it to rain on christmas day



“I want It To Rain on Christmas Day”

written & performed

by George J. Raymond

Copyright © 2020


Recorded by my father on an iphone with guitar and drum machine during Christmas of 2020


I want it to rain this Christmas Day

I want the rain to

wash my tears away


To all the people I love

who are so far away

I want it to rain on Christmas Day


To all the people taken away

from their homes

So afraid of dying alone


To all those people

 I would like to say

I want it to rain on Christmas Day


Oh, if I could only find

Some peace of mind

This Christmastime.

The time before sandwiches

DID you know

that the

people who lived

during the

Middle Ages,

did not

eat sandwiches?


That’s a fact.


It turns out,


had not been

invented yet.


This, despite,



the ingredients

for one.


They just ate them all separate.


For, you see, back then …


First you bit a chunk of bread,

then you bit a chunk of meat,

then you bit a chunk of cheese,

and, then, I assume,

you licked a spoonful of mayonnaise.


Then one day,

the Earl of Sandwich

happened by,

took notice of this,

and said,

“I think I can help these idiots”


And later,

the Earl opened

a small deli.


… And I hear he was quite successful.




Happy 79th Birthday, Mom!