I cannot but feel sorrow
when I remember
one hundred and seventeen
billion human beings
have lived and died
without ever getting a
chance to try my
famous potato salad.
.
Keep circulating the URL
The jockey
I saw an old horse jockey
riding a carousel
and I asked him,
“Is it as it was?”
***
The old jockey just smiled
a jockey smile, and said,
“This is as far as I ever got.”
***
At his words,
the carousel
began its slow finish.
***
And the old jockey
leaned back on his horse
and said,
“Whoa.”
.
.
turn off. turn on. turn ip.
Trefology
Keep circulating the URL
B.C.
It was long thought
that adventure was
the spice of toast.
But that was in the
days before the
discovery of cinnamon.
.
.
Promoted Ad
***
Eschew the old!
Embrace the new!
***
All things are plausible!
***
A chicken once said to me,
“George,” it said.
“Life is a joke, and
the punchline is
to get to the other side.”
***
I nodded and considered
its words.
But the chicken
was not finished.
***
“You will live to see the age of
thirty-nine”, said the chicken.
“But not a day more!”
***
(He was wrong about
that second part.
— And thank heavens —
But what of the first?)
***
Will Trefology save you?
***
Speak to a registrar to-day!
.
Keep circulating the URL
Merch of time
Growing up, all of us kids
knew the stories of the
ghostly Lady in White.
***
The Lady in White was said
to roam the woods near
our house and surprise hikers
by jumping out from behind
a tree and firing a
t-shirt gun at their head.
***
As the legend goes, the hikers
would be found days later,
pale, hungry, shivering and
wearing a t-shirt that read:
“I got surprised by the Lady in White.”
.
Keep circulating the URL
Promoted Ad
The Four F’s
***
Say, pardner, have you been
wondering where you can
wrassle-up the best bowl
of canned Spaghetti-O’s
in the West?
***
Well, Cowpoke,
quit yer stupid wonderin’,
because the answer lies at
the Chef Boyardee factory
in Milton, Pennsylvania!
***
Guaranteed the farmin’est,
freshest, fra-sauciest
bowl of Spaghetti-O’s
this side of the Pecos.
Or my name isn’t George Raymond!
***
And, hey —
when you get there,
be sure to tell ’em
George sent you.
***
And if they ask you
who George is — tell ’em,
***
“A beautiful, beautiful man.”
.
Keep circulating the URL
.
Firewater65 has written a
poem in the spirit of Trefology.
And I, for one, am here to say,
“It’s about time somebody did.”
***
Click here to read.
***
Or here.
***
But not here.
Long time passing
The Kingston Trio
never sang the verse
***
“Where have all the corn chips gone?”
***
because
they knew damn well
where they had gone.
.
Keep circulating the URL
People are people
I bet few senators
were happy with
Caligula appointing a
horse as consul.
But, then — after a time,
I can easily see
them all
standing around
discussing hay.
.
Keep circulating the URL
.
What are friends for?
In my experience,
there are two kinds of
peanut brittle you
can buy at the store
***
One comes in a can with
peanut brittle inside.
The other contains snakes.
***
And you never know
which you’ll get.
***
Once I got some peanut brittle
as a gift,
and thinking myself clever,
I gave it to my friend to open first.
***
“Thank you,” she said.
Then she opened it,
and ate a piece.
***
So I was about to take
a piece, too,
when snakes sprang
out of her mouth.
.
keep circulating the URL
The frankincense monster
Point of clarification
***
The Frankincense
Monster
was not named
Frankincense.
That was just
what he
smelled like.
.
keep circulating the URL
Inertia
Dad threatened
to pull over the
car if we didn’t
stop misbehaving.
***
So we stopped misbehaving.
***
And Dad, true to
his word, didn’t
pull over the car.
***
Not even when we
passed our house.
***
He just kept
driving and driving.
***
“Always be true to your nature,”
said Dad, merging
onto the interstate.
.
.
Keep circulating the URL