Once, a

beautiful woman

agreed to marry me

***

 on one condition

***

I must never ask her

to remove the ribbon

from around her neck.

***

Naturally, I agreed.

And we were wed.

***

I tell you, truly,

the years that

followed were some

of the happiest

I had ever known.

***

But for one thing

***

I could not stop thinking about the ribbon

***

It was always there,

that ribbon around her

neck,

as ceaseless as the tides,

haunting me

day and night,

until I could take

it no longer.

***

One night, finding

her asleep,

I carefully eased

the ribbon from

her neck,

holding my breath

as I did so.

***

Then, with a gentle tug, it slipped away

***

Suddenly, her eyes opened!

Her face a mask of terror

***

But before I could

utter a word of apology,

her head came off!

***

It rolled off her

shoulders and onto

the bed, before

hitting the floor with

a sickening “thunk”

***

I rushed to her head

and cradled it in

my arms.

***

And as our eyes met 

for the last time in

this life,

she said to me,

***

“I am sure this raises far more

questions than it answers.”

.

.

I hope who-ever

invented the wheel

didn’t invent it

on top of a hill, or

good-bye, invention.

.

A man is

never standing

so tall

as when he is

standing on

stilts.

As a kid I

wanted to be

a magician,

***

but magic tricks were

really expensive.

***

So I was forced to improvise

***

I’d go to

Mervyn’s department

store,

***

and thinking myself sly,

***

I’d say

***

“I’d like to buy a

handkerchief, please,

***

that is connected

to a hundred other

handkerchiefs.”

I’m an easy-going guy.

***

If faced with

execution, and

asked if I had

any last words,

I’d just shake

my head and say,

***

“Nah, let’s just enjoy the moment.”

.

---

2.

Each time my dad

would return

from a business trip

he’d always

bring me a present.

***

Sometimes it was

a pull tab,

or a bottle top,

or bits of string,

or some paper clips.

***

Then one day

my mom told me

that he wasn’t

my actual dad,

***

but a crow.

***

And worse,

***

they were splitting up.

.

The last time I died

I was sent to a

between-lives station

on Mars

to pick up a new body.

***

But when I

returned to earth

I discovered that

I was invisible!

***

I had left my body on Mars!

***

So back I went …

***

But I had

a bit of bad luck,

for when I finally

located my body

***

it had been

partially devoured

by a group

of “Betweenies”.

***

So, anyway,

***

that is how I got these bite marks

.

---

I always

thought

time was

on my side,

but it

turns out

I was

played for

a chump.

As you are aware

***

I have always

greatly admired

the writers

A.A. Milne and

E.E. Cummings.

***

And so,

to honor them,

going forward,

I, too, will begin

my name

using identical

double-initials

***

Thank you.

***

Signed,

Respectfully,

A.A. E.E. George Raymond

.

---

2.

“Dance!”

said the Outlaw,

and he fired his

gun near the feet

of the Stranger.

***

Blam! Blam! went the Outlaw’s gun.

***

Nearby, his gang of

ne’er do wells,

whooped and cheered

at the spectacle

***

“Dance!” said the Outlaw, again

***

And, so, … the Stranger danced.

***

And danced.

***

And danced.

***

And it was beautiful.

***

Unlike anything

the Outlaw gang

had ever —

or, would ever —

see again.

***

And the men began to weep, 

***

for they knew

this truth in

their hearts.

***

Then, wiping away their tears,

the gang looked around,

***

the Stranger had gone!

***

There was a moment

of confused silence,

then the Outlaw asked,

***

“Who was that Stranger?”

***

Came a voice from

the back of the room,

***

“The Lone Dancer!”

.