Guardian of the super moist

Last night,

I was visited by

the Angel of

Food Cake.

***

Now,

how this angel happened

to get into my room,

I do not know, as the door

was locked, but she tapped

a few times on my forehead

to wake me up.

***

The angel was dressed

in a flowing gown of wax

paper & string,

and in her grip

she held a flaming

cake-stand,

made of the finest Bakelite.

***

And I asked the angel

if she had come from

heaven

to bring me cake.

***

But the angel

just laughed,

shook her head,

and said,

“Like you need cake.”

***

I said,

“Aww, come on,

please, angel,

I’ll put on some coffee.

It’ll be great.”

***

And lo,

the angel presented me with a

large cake of orange hue,

which I instantly recognized.

***

“Wait, carrot cake?”

I said.

“I hate carrot cake.”

***

Parenthetically, dear readers,

Carrot cake is the worst.

***

It’s like, …

when you were a kid

and your parents told

you there would be NO dessert

unless you ate all

vegetables on your plate.

So, you did.

Only to discover, later,

that dessert

was more vegetables!

***

But, in reply,

the angel, only smiled,

winked an eye, and

exited out my

bedroom window

***

The next morning,

I left the carrot cake in the

office break-room,

un-touched, and still on

the flaming cake stand.

***

A few minutes later

I heard someone say,

“Oh, cake!” And, then,

“Ew.”

***

“I hear you, brother,”

I said to myself.

“I hear you.”

The christmas lesson

I’ll never forget the

Christmas our parents

told us that because

it had been a hard year,

financially,

we could only ask for

one present a-piece

***

So, that Christmas

all that I asked for were

scarlet ribbons.

***

Pretty scarlet ribbons for my hair.

***

And come

Christmas morning,

I got them, too.

And they were

as beautiful as you

may imagine.

***

My sister got a

new computer, though,

and suddenly,

I realized

what I fool I had been.

***

Stupid ribbons.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

pipe

IN this undated photo, Our Founder, deep in contemplation, relaxes by a warm fire, smoking a pretend pipe, and wondering, perhaps, what became of his actual pipe.

To know a man

They say you can’t

really know a man

until you spend

a day in his shoes.

***

But what of the man

who refuses to let me

wear his shoes?

***

And what of the man

who then threatens

physical violence

after I attempt to remove

his shoes anyway?

***

Can we ever really

know that man?

***

No, probably not.

***

At least, not without

those shoes.


0-2

The Couch Elf by Mary Cellini

©2021


 

Light energy

DO you want to

know a secret?

***

Aside from the

three wishes

granted me by

my

Fairy Godmother

***

not a single one of

my other wishes

has ever come true!

***

So, what do you do

when all the

standard channels of

wishing

are closed to you?

***

What do you do

when 

it is not your birthday

and you have no

birthday candles?

***

What do you do

if, like me,

you find wish-bones,

kind of

disturbing?

***

I’ll tell you.

***

Did you know

that you can

make a wish on a

cloud?

***

It’s true!

***

Now I know what

you’re thinking,

“Make a wish on a cloud?

That sounds expensive!”

***

Well, you’ll be

happy to know that

it will cost you

almost

nothing.

***

So, go ahead,

find a cloud

and

make a wish!

***

But, remember,

it’s a cloud,

so,

it’s probably best

to keep your wish

simple,

or, cloud-related.