Gas, grass or, sassafras

When I travel abroad,

in order to deter theft,

I always make

sure to have

several different wallets

on me at all times.

***

One in each pocket of my clothes.

***

It’s like a shell game

for pick-pockets.

***

In one pocket there is a wallet

with all my money

& credit cards in it.

***

And in the others

there is a note that says,

“Sorry!

You are not a winner.

Please try again.”

*



0-1

Ribbons & toes

 

For the Christmas of

my sixteenth year,

I wanted one thing over all else.

It was my most brilliant idea, too.

***

So much so, I went straight to

the place of my parents work,

and bounding in,

immediately declared that

I wanted a new car for Christmas.

***

My dad and mom both stopped working,

and looked over at me.

My mom put down her coal shovel.

***

“Why do you think you deserve a new car?” My mom asked.

***

“Well, I said, thoughtfully,

“all of my friends have new cars.”

***

But my mom was clever and

prepared for such an answer.

“If all of your friends

were to jump off a bridge,” she asked,

“would you?”

***

“No.” I replied.

***

“All right,” she said.

“But would you for a new car?”

***

PART II

***

That Christmas morning

I awoke to find a long

red ribbon tied to my big toe.

What’s this? I asked myself.

Could it be?

***

Excitedly, I got out of bed

& began to follow the ribbon as it

led me out of my room.

***

The ribbon led me:

***

down the hallway,

into the living room,

past the Christmas tree,

into the foyer

out the front door,

over the moat,

across the yard, and

into our driveway (!)

***

Where it then

double-backed

up and around a tree,

before …

***

going back across the yard,

over the moat,

through the front door,

into the foyer

past the Christmas tree,

through the living room,

down the hallway, and

back into my room.

***

Where,

to my great disappointment,

I discovered that it was

tied to my other toe.

 

 

Finis.

 


0

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The circus

I remember the Christmas

when the circus came to town.

A few of the kids in my class skipped school

to see the show.

***

There was a murmuring in the class as

those of us remaining

began to notice the growing number of

empty desks.

***

“Skipped school to see the circus?!”

We whispered among ourselves.

“Luckeee!

***

However, the next day,

many of the desks remained empty, and

our teacher told us that our classmates were

in the hospital suffering from severe poisoning,

but they would be OK.

***

Furthermore, she explained,

it wasn’t the circus that was in town,

but a home that was being

fumigated for insects.

***

What?!

A feeling of genuine shock among

those remaining.

Again, murmuring

among all the children …

***

“Skipped school to see a home being fumigated for insects?!”

We whispered among ourselves.

“Luckeee!”

To me

PART II

***

TO ME:

 

Though they are called,

‘disposable’ razors,

it doesn’t get any easier

the more time

you spend with them.

***

The bigger they are, the harder i run.

***

A watched pot never boils,

it only becomes

really self-conscious

***

Each time I watch the film,

Rashomon,

I see something different

***

Before getting assistance at a

magic store,

you should have to take a number.

Any number.

***

Representing myself in court

would be like

having a really good

looking fool for a lawyer.

***

Having

“good old fashioned horse-sense,”

stops at eating hay.

***

What is the point of owning an

infinity pool,

when I know I’ll never live long

enough to get its full effect?

***

It seems like the dinosaurs had it coming.

 

TO ME.

 


Happy Thanksgiving!

0-2

“Big Cats in Humboldt”

by Mary Cellini

©2020 all rights reserved


PART I

Circus Wars

Lo! The ‘great’ war

between the two

circus companies was

about to commence.

***

The Ringmaster called for the clowns,

he called for the geeks,

he called for the flying elephants and the ferocious lions.

“Suit up and arm ye-selves,” He cried.

“We’ll teach those second-rate interlopers!

***

Several hundred yards away

the other circus was fast asleep.

***

Said the Ringmaster,

“Bison Bob’s Wild West Vaudeville & Indian War Battle Reenactment Show

will rue the day

they ever heard the name,

Col. Beauregard ‘s Famous Flying Traveling Circus & Side Show Supreme of 1873!

***

At that moment,

the strongman wheeled out

the mighty circus cannon, and aimed it

across the river,

toward the location of the

rival circus.

***

“Fire” Said the Ringmaster.

***

Boom went the cannon!

***

Aaaaaghhhhhhhhhhh! cried the human cannonball.


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