In rented boots

When I die

I want to

have a

post-mortem photo

taken of me

for posterity,

***

just as they did

in the

Victorian Age

***

My family gathered around me …

everybody in great sorrow

***

Except, I want

the photo to be taken

at one of those

old-timey photo studios

like, they

have at the wharf,

***

That way,

if anybody

should ever

inquire

as to what had

become of me

***

my family

can tell them,

proudly,

I died

back in the days of the Old West.


2.

a = louie_Fotor2

all hail.

Lies

I shouldn’t have

lied during the

job interview.

***

I know that now.

***

Like when

I told them

I was an

arm-wrestling

champion

***

and I lived under the sea

***

and I knew Excel

***

and I have twelve fingers,

… on each hand

***

But mostly,

I regret the Excel part

***

because that was

the one thing

they tested me on.

Turn it up

mean bone_Fotor


2.

.

“She Hasn’t Got a Mean Bone”

written and performed

by George J. Raymond

copyright © 2023


3.

She goes to church on Sunday

She goes to work on Monday

She does the very best she can

***

She loves her mother

She loves her father

Takes good care of her man

***

She hasn’t got a mean bone

***

If she ever got in trouble

it would surely pop her bubble

***

And it’s gonna break my heart

to watch her fall apart

***

Lies — she don’t tell ’em

Alibis — she don’t use ’em

She’s always true to herself

***

She sees the good in you

Ignores the bad in you

She gives everybody an even chance

***

She hasn’t got a mean bone.


4.

Happy 81st Birthday, Dad!

The time-line

While going through some old boxes, looking for my kazoo, I found

the written record, taken by me, of an unfortunate

incident at my first rented flat in San Francisco in 1985

***

6 a.m.

House-mate awakens

feeling violently ill.

***

6:15 a.m.

Woken by his cries,

I immediately

fall back to sleep.

***

6:30 a.m.

Woken, again, by

his cries, I rush

to the kitchen,

and fix myself

a heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

06:45 a.m.

I call the doctor.

***

07:30 a.m.

Doctor arrives,

rushes to

the kitchen,

and

fixes himself a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

08:30 a.m.

Doctor goes to House-mate’s room.

Sends in a canary.

***

11:59 a.m.

Canary returns

with a renewed

sense of pride,

an olive branch,

and a

heaping burlap

satchel of waffles.

***

12:01 p.m.

Doctor administers medicine

***

12:02 p.m.

House-mate feels better

***

12:03 p.m.

House-mate dies.

***

12:30 p.m.

Doctor composes the Magic Flute

***

12:45 p.m.

Austrian Deluxe singer Falco records ‘Rock Me Amadeus’.

***

1:00 p.m.

George runs out of ideas for time-line bit.

***

1:03 p.m

George begins working on next bit.