Good news!
I’m writing a book!
***
So far, I have about
a thousand pages.
***
But now, the hard part,
***
I need to start
filling the pages in
with words.
Author: Geo. Raymond
Kind of a jerk, actually.
The brothers trefology
IF ever I
needed to
buy drinking glasses,
I would ask
the clerk
to direct me
toward the
souvenir glass section,
because,
you can take those
home for free.
2.
3.
ANY
sandwich
brought
onto a
submarine
is a
submarine sandwich.
The time before sandwiches
DID you know
that the
people who lived
during the
Middle Ages,
did not
eat sandwiches?
***
That’s a fact.
***
It turns out,
sandwiches
had not been
invented yet.
***
This, despite,
having
ALL
the ingredients
for one.
***
They just ate them all separate.
***
For, you see, back then …
***
First you bit a chunk of bread,
then you bit a chunk of meat,
then you bit a chunk of cheese,
and, then, I assume,
you licked a spoonful of mayonnaise.
***
Then one day,
the Earl of Sandwich
happened by,
took notice of this,
and said,
“I think I can help these idiots”
***
And later,
the Earl opened
a small deli.
***
… And I hear he was quite successful.
***
Finis
2.
Happy 79th Birthday, Mom!
Two after midnight
I once strayed
from the
path of success
only to be
attacked by
a werewolf.
“To die,
to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to
meet
Freddy Krueger.”
— Wm. Shakespeare
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
The question
A friend of
mine was
crossing the
street in
Los Angeles
when he
was struck
by a car
and killed.
***
They tell me,
at the time,
he had been
wearing a
“Who farted?” t-shirt.
***
And that, for me, somehow made it worse
***
Because if
movies
have taught
me anything,
***
the clothes you die in, are the clothes you will wear for all eternity.
***
So, now,
not only
will he
never know
who farted
***
but he’ll be forever asking …
Trefology proudly presents its 700th post (big deal)
READ
THEM
ALL
2.
Dad.
3.
“Inside-out”
Written & performed by
George J. Raymond (related)
© 2022 all rights reserved
4.
I took myself too
far one day,
and filled up an
empty chamber.
Spun the wheel,
closed my eyes,
almost pulled the
trigger
***
Oh, what a night.
Oh, what a fight.
I went too far.
She took the car.
***
I was alone with
myself, seriously
doubting my
emotional health
***
Help! I cried out
That girl turned me
inside out.
***
Took advantage
of my collapse,
put the pistol in
the freezer
Grabbed some
ice,
a bottle of gin
found me a day
old pizza
***
Oh, what a night …
***
I was alone with myself …
***
Inside out, inside out
Inside out, inside out
Never thought
she’d go and leave me
inside out, inside out.
***
It must have
been the booze, or
something else
I started feeling
better,
grabbed my bike
and hit the road
***
I’ll find her
sooner or later.
***
Rainy night,
I was pretty tight,
ran the light,
never saw the car.
***
I was alone with myself …
It’s on me
When I’m
staying at
a hotel
and ordering a
drink from
room service,
***
I always
order a drink
for
every other
room, too,
***
because,
if there is
one thing I
hate
***
it’s
drinking alone.
Sleepy-time
MY favorite
comfort food
is a
cheeseburger
on a
gigantic
sesame seed bun
the size
of a pillow.
A simpler age
I suspect
salad dressing
harkens back to
a more
modest time in
our society
.
2.
3.
“TA-DA!”
***
I am often asked,
what would happen if I were to die before finishing my life’s work at trefology?
***
Well, …
firstly,
dear Readers,
do not fear
my passing.
***
When my day
comes I will
embrace the
unknown
with open arms.
***
Why?
Because I have a back-up plan!
***
Now, I have not, yet, fully
fleshed out this plan,
but, here is my pledge to you:
***
I will, one day,
return to earth,
to complete
my work here
at trefology!
***
How? Again, I don’t, yet, know.
***
But that is why,
when I die,
I have requested
to be buried
in a straight jacket,
blind-folded,
wrapped in chains,
and with
the lid of the coffin
nailed air-tight.
***
That way, on the chance that I am successful,
***
it will be a double good trick.
Jokes for kids
q.
DO you know
what’s worse
than finding a
worm in
your apple?
a.
Finding that
same worm,
again, later,
in the arms of
your
betrothed!
t r e f o l o g y 