When I travel abroad,
in order to deter theft,
I always make
sure to have
several different wallets
on me at all times.
***
One in each pocket of my clothes.
***
It’s like a shell game
for pick-pockets.
***
In one pocket there is a wallet
with all my money
& credit cards in it.
***
And in the others
there is a note that says,
“Sorry!
You are not a winner.
Please try again.”
*
If ever in the
distant future,
I was to be brought back from the dead,
either, here on earth,
or, on some unfathomable far-away star,
I hope it’s for a
good reason.
Q.
What type of angel says,
“Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!”
?
A.
An angel dancing on the point of a pin
Special thanks to Ciara Cray of ‘balance and bolus’ for “Jokes for Kids” artwork.
Check out her website
“Glub, glub” said the drowning man.
But nobody in
the pool noticed.
Because that was Glub-Glub,
& that is what he
was always saying.
For the Christmas of
my sixteenth year,
I wanted one thing over all else.
It was my most brilliant idea, too.
***
So much so, I went straight to
the place of my parents work,
and bounding in,
immediately declared that
I wanted a new car for Christmas.
***
My dad and mom both stopped working,
and looked over at me.
My mom put down her coal shovel.
***
“Why do you think you deserve a new car?” My mom asked.
***
“Well, I said, thoughtfully,
“all of my friends have new cars.”
***
But my mom was clever and
prepared for such an answer.
“If all of your friends
were to jump off a bridge,” she asked,
“would you?”
***
“No.” I replied.
***
“All right,” she said.
“But would you for a new car?”
***
PART II
***
That Christmas morning
I awoke to find a long
red ribbon tied to my big toe.
What’s this? I asked myself.
Could it be?
***
Excitedly, I got out of bed
& began to follow the ribbon as it
led me out of my room.
***
The ribbon led me:
***
down the hallway,
into the living room,
past the Christmas tree,
into the foyer
out the front door,
over the moat,
across the yard, and
into our driveway (!)
***
Where it then
double-backed
up and around a tree,
before …
***
going back across the yard,
over the moat,
through the front door,
into the foyer
past the Christmas tree,
through the living room,
down the hallway, and
back into my room.
***
Where,
to my great disappointment,
I discovered that it was
tied to my other toe.
Finis.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I remember the Christmas
when the circus came to town.
A few of the kids in my class skipped school
to see the show.
***
There was a murmuring in the class as
those of us remaining
began to notice the growing number of
empty desks.
***
“Skipped school to see the circus?!”
We whispered among ourselves.
“Luckeee!“
***
However, the next day,
many of the desks remained empty, and
our teacher told us that our classmates were
in the hospital suffering from severe poisoning,
but they would be OK.
***
Furthermore, she explained,
it wasn’t the circus that was in town,
but a home that was being
fumigated for insects.
***
What?!
A feeling of genuine shock among
those remaining.
Again, murmuring
among all the children …
***
“Skipped school to see a home being fumigated for insects?!”
We whispered among ourselves.
“Luckeee!”
PART II
***
TO ME:
Though they are called,
‘disposable’ razors,
it doesn’t get any easier
the more time
you spend with them.
***
The bigger they are, the harder i run.
***
A watched pot never boils,
it only becomes
really self-conscious
***
Each time I watch the film,
Rashomon,
I see something different
***
Before getting assistance at a
magic store,
you should have to take a number.
Any number.
***
Representing myself in court
would be like
having a really good
looking fool for a lawyer.
***
Having
“good old fashioned horse-sense,”
stops at eating hay.
***
What is the point of owning an
infinity pool,
when I know I’ll never live long
enough to get its full effect?
***
It seems like the dinosaurs had it coming.
TO ME.
Happy Thanksgiving!
“Big Cats in Humboldt”
by Mary Cellini
©2020 all rights reserved
If magnets really have
the power to heal,
then the refrigerator at my mom’s house is
going to run for-ever.
I’m thinking about the things we used to do that rhymed,
like riding a bus,
tightening a truss,
waving at Russ,
yes, I’m thinking about the things we used to do that rhymed
1.
I don’t think
it has ever
been fully explained,
why the Frankenstein monster
wore lifts.
2.
I think I could
out-run the Mummy.
And handedly, too.
I might even slow down a bit
to let the Mummy catch-up.
That way,
at the end of the day,
we both have
a story to tell.
Happy Halloween!
Lo! The ‘great’ war
between the two
circus companies was
about to commence.
***
The Ringmaster called for the clowns,
he called for the geeks,
he called for the flying elephants and the ferocious lions.
“Suit up and arm ye-selves,” He cried.
“We’ll teach those second-rate interlopers!
***
Several hundred yards away
the other circus was fast asleep.
***
Said the Ringmaster,
“Bison Bob’s Wild West Vaudeville & Indian War Battle Reenactment Show
will rue the day
they ever heard the name,
Col. Beauregard ‘s Famous Flying Traveling Circus & Side Show Supreme of 1873!“
***
At that moment,
the strongman wheeled out
the mighty circus cannon, and aimed it
across the river,
toward the location of the
rival circus.
***
“Fire” Said the Ringmaster.
***
Boom went the cannon!
***
Aaaaaghhhhhhhhhhh! cried the human cannonball.
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