.

q.

Did you hear about the

automobile accident

between two hearses?

a.

The drivers are ok

but both passengers died,

about a week earlier.

.

Sometimes, on a

warm Summer night,

I’ll stand naked

on my balcony, look up

at the moon, and

wonder if the moon

can see me too.

***

Can you see me Old Moon?

***

But the moon

says nothing

***

I know my neighbors can see me,

***

because they won’t

shut up about it.

***

But I’m wondering about the moon.

.

2.

Each time I see the

film Citizen Kane,

I see something different.

***

As an example …

***

The last time I saw

Citizen Kane I saw

hundreds of bugs

crawling up my legs.

And I had to be

restrained with thorazine

***

And yet, is that

not the mark of

a great film?

.

I remember when I

was five or six

***

a crazy old man

took up residence in

the abandoned well

on our property.

***

he was always yelling, as I recall.

***

Then, one day, he moved away.

***

Soon after a

skeleton moved in.

***

Weird but true.

My dance instructor

told me dancing would

get me far. But only

if I left now.

.

2.

The first time

I took drugs,

I saw God,

and He was with

my parents,

and they all

agreed that I

was grounded.

Blue is the

color of my

true love

when she shows

me how long

she can hold

her breath.

The sea calls to me.

It says,

“Hey, George!

Get a load of all

this patience!”

If you invite

Marshalls & TJ Maxx

to the same holiday

party,

don’t be surprised

when they start

making inappropriate

comments about

Nordstrom’s Rack.

.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

3.

Sometimes

I worry about

getting old.

***

Then I remember

the 104 year old

who jumped out

of an airplane

for his birthday

***

And I realize–

It’s never too late, folks.

***

But unlike that guy,

I would advise you wear

a parachute.

.

I got tired of always

misplacing my keys,

only to find them again,

later, in the last place

I would think to look.

***

So, now, I just

leave them in the

last place I would

think to look.

***

Right at this moment,

my keys are in a

jar of grape jelly.

.

2.

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