Some of the best

x-ray photos

I’ve ever taken

were accidentally

ruined

by my thumb-bone

Before I order

a hot potato

at a restaurant

I like to find out how many times its

changed hands

I tend to

favor

my left leg

in all

things I do.

***

For example:

***

If, to-day,

I were to go out

for a walk

and get an

ice cream sundae,

***

it would be

my left leg

that

got the cherry

.

---

I went to IHOP

last night.

***

My table was sticky.

***

I pointed this out

to the server.

***

A busboy came over

and wiped my table

with a soapy pancake.

Turkey is a

good example of

why one should

never name a

country on an

empty stomach.

There are folks who

sweat the small stuff

and there are folks

who sweat ALL the stuff

And to-day, both these

people were sitting

next to me on the bus

Now that pot

is legal I can

finally buy

a baggie of

street oregano

without

accidentally

purchasing

more weed

.

---

If humanity ever

travels to another

galaxy,

I hope they remember

to bring a

Universal Remote

with them,

so we can finally

test it out.

Due to a rare

anomaly,  

I was born with

three intestinal

sub-divisions:

a Large,

a Small, and a

Just Right

IN trefology

criss-cross

applesauce

is not only how

we sit, but it

is how we eat

our applesauce