Proboscisless Steve,

was a wise man.

He used to say to me,

“George, if you put

your nose to the

grindstone —

you are going to

experience some

intense pain.

So— I wouldn’t

recommend it

Life can be unfair.

Take me, for example.

***

I lost my hair.

My father, he lost his hair.

***

And yet, to the day he died,

my grand-father had a thick

head of long fiery red hair.

***

Though he had it

on his buttocks.

.

---

2.

I’m an easy-going

guy.

When I go into a

shoe-store and

they ask me what

size do I want,

I say, what

size do you got?

q.

Did you hear about

the guy who passed a

kidney stone on the highway?

a.

It scared him to death,

he thought it was a cop!

.

---

My boss said

I would find a

“little something extra”

in my pay envelope

this week,

but it turned out to be

some warm spit.

“I’ll give you

something to

cry about,”

said the Bully,

***

handing me his copy

of the book,

Bridge to Terabithia

***

Then he punched me

in the face, anyway.

***

“That’s in case you’re illiterate,”

said the Bully.

.

---

2.

.

q.

Did you hear about the

automobile accident

between two hearses?

a.

The drivers are ok

but both passengers died,

about a week earlier.

.

---

Sometimes, on a

warm Summer night,

I’ll stand naked

on my balcony, look up

at the moon, and

wonder if the moon

can see me too.

***

Can you see me Old Moon?

***

But the moon

says nothing

***

I know my neighbors can see me,

***

because they won’t

shut up about it.

***

But I’m wondering about the moon.

.

---

2.

Each time I see the

film Citizen Kane,

I see something different.

***

As an example …

***

The last time I saw

Citizen Kane I saw

hundreds of bugs

crawling up my legs.

And I had to be

restrained with thorazine

***

And yet, is that

not the mark of

a great film?

.

 

I remember when I

was five or six

***

a crazy old man

took up residence in

the abandoned well

on our property.

***

he was always yelling, as I recall.

***

Then, one day, he moved away.

***

Soon after a

skeleton moved in.

***

Weird but true.