My mom always said,

Never accept car rides from stranglers

I think she meant strangers,

tho’ I wasn’t taking any chances,

I stayed away from both

If you put a

Shell Station

to your ear

you can actually

hear the sound

of the ocean

being raped

Q.

How did the

zebra get

his stripes?

A.

Fighting

the Nazis

---

Q.

Why was the

Easter egg

decorated?

A.

Same reason

as the zebra

A komodo dragons

only natural enemies

are volcanic activity

& hubris

Dogs bury bones

because dogs are

reverse-anthropologists

You can tell a lot about

a person’s personality

by which member of the

Manson family they most

identify with

When I print up

driving directions

I always make sure I use the

‘Printer friendly’ version

so my printer will think,

OK, this guy’s cool

 

If I invented a

time machine

the first place I’d go

would

be in my pants

because

how the hell did I do that?

I went to the

same physician

who starred in the Faces of Death movies:

Dr. Francis B. Gross.

Which might explain

why he was always recommending

I get plenty of rest,

fluids

and death clips.

***

---

Did you know in Hawaii

Aloha means

both ‘Hello’, ‘Goodbye’

& ‘Do you have drugs?’

***

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