Q.

What is an

Elligator?

A.

It’s an alligator

that doesn’t like

taking the stairs

My girlfriend

has a large gap

between

her teeth.

It’s unattractive,

but hey,

free shirts.

---

“Do What You Have To Do”

written & performed by George J. Raymond

copyright 2015 all rights reserved

---

---

A long time ago

as the story goes,

I worked for a job

selling ladies clothes.

***

A $125 dollars a week

bought a two bedroom

apt and enough to eat

***

So I do what I have to do,

I just do what I have to do.

No one will ever look down

on you, if you do what you

have to do.

***

With two little kids

& a spotted dog, who

decided to have a litter.

There were times I wanted

to run away, but my dad

never raised a quitter

***

So, I do what I have to do …

***

As time goes by things

will change, you’ll find

yourself getting older.

Some people will welcome you,

some will turn a cold shoulder.

***

So, you just do what you have to do …

***

The kids grew up and

the spotted dog went

on to meet his maker.

***

I married that pretty

lady over there

she’s a cook but

she ain’t no baker

***

You just do what you have to do,

you just do what you have to do.

No one will ever look down on you

if you do what you have to do.

---

Ghosts rattle chains.

It’s been that way

since the start.

But I bet there are

a few ghosts who

eventually put down

the chains and say,

***

“Why are we even doing this though?”

Sometimes, in life,

it seems like the

light at the end of

the tunnel is just a

guy with a

flashlight duct-taped

to his shotgun

He who

laughs last

laughs

self-

consciously

I scream

You scream

We all scream

In severe pain

Call 911!

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

At least, it is

according to the

thesaurus 

I borrowed from

Kris Kristofferson

At a nudist camp,

to “pants somebody”

probably means to

slap a pair on them