Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

At least, it is

according to the

thesaurus 

I borrowed from

Kris Kristofferson

At a nudist camp,

to “pants somebody”

probably means to

slap a pair on them

Statistically

speaking,

mathematicians

always die

in denominators

of three

Keeping the trains

running on time is

the job of

despots and depots.

When they were

passing out brains

I said, ‘What?’

Because they had not

yet passed out ears

Magical Pixie Dust:

Short term effects:

YOU CAN FLY!

Long term effects:

we are only now just

starting to learn

If you fall

off a horse,

get back up,

take a look around,

and see what

else there is

to do on a ranch.

***

Say hello to a cow, for instance.

Somebody up there loves me

***

Yesterday a beautiful

white dove flew into

my open window.

***

On its leg was a note that read,

***

“I love you.

Signed,

The Roofing Man”

***

Aggrieved, I went outside

and confronted him.

***

He was still on my

roof and about to

release another dove.

***

“I meant as a friend!”

shouted The Roofing Man.

***

That next afternoon

another white dove

came to my window.

***

I was ready to confront

The Roofing Man, again,

but this dove, though

similar, was covered in

soot, and had a bad cough.

***

I opened the note and read it.

Said the note,

***

“What are your interests?

Signed,

The Chimney Sweep Man”

---

2.

These days banks

have silent alarms

but you know

they’re not really

silent right?

***

Pigs can hear them

Do you think

they should

reboot the

TV show Mr. Ed

or just

re-shoe it?