Aufs & oafs

I have always

suspected that

my sister was

a changeling,

***

Each time our

mother would

go out

to collect wood,

***

my infant sister

would suddenly,

stand up,

dance about,

play the bag pipes,

drink boiled oil,

and, place empty

walnut shells

around the fire.

***

When our mother

would return,

she’d ask,

“Who drank the boiled oil?”

***

Who do you think?!

Come on, mom, wise up!

I want it to rain on christmas day

IMG_8122


2.

“I want It To Rain on Christmas Day”

written & performed

by George J. Raymond

Copyright © 2020


3.

Recorded by my father on an iphone with guitar and drum machine during Christmas of 2020


4.

I want it to rain this Christmas Day

I want the rain to

wash my tears away

***

To all the people I love

who are so far away

I want it to rain on Christmas Day

***

To all the people taken away

from their homes

So afraid of dying alone

***

To all those people

 I would like to say

I want it to rain on Christmas Day

***

Oh, if I could only find

Some peace of mind

This Christmastime.

The time before sandwiches

DID you know

that the

people who lived

during the

Middle Ages,

did not

eat sandwiches?

***

That’s a fact.

***

It turns out,

sandwiches

had not been

invented yet.

***

This, despite,

having

ALL

the ingredients

for one.

***

They just ate them all separate.

***

For, you see, back then …

***

First you bit a chunk of bread,

then you bit a chunk of meat,

then you bit a chunk of cheese,

and, then, I assume,

you licked a spoonful of mayonnaise.

***

Then one day,

the Earl of Sandwich

happened by,

took notice of this,

and said,

“I think I can help these idiots”

***

And later,

the Earl opened

a small deli.

***

… And I hear he was quite successful.

***

Finis


2.

Happy 79th Birthday, Mom!

68740383290__4BA30F45-D0F8-4B06-8C97-F96B0F9847E4_Fotor

 

The question

A friend of

mine was

crossing the

street in

Los Angeles

when he

was struck

by a car

and killed.

***

They tell me,

at the time,

he had been

wearing a

“Who farted?” t-shirt.

***

And that, for me, somehow made it worse

***

Because if

movies

have taught

me anything,

***

the clothes you die in, are the clothes you will wear for all eternity.

***

So,  now,

not only

will he

never know

who farted

***

but he’ll be forever asking …

Trefology proudly presents its 700th post (big deal)

READ

THEM

ALL


2.

0

Dad.


3.

“Inside-out”

Written & performed by

George J. Raymond (related)

© 2022 all rights reserved



4.

I took myself too

far one day,

and filled up an

empty chamber.

Spun the wheel,

closed my eyes,

almost pulled the

trigger

***

Oh, what a night.

Oh, what a fight.

I went too far.

She took the car.

***

I was alone with

myself, seriously

doubting my

emotional health

***

Help! I cried out

That girl turned me

inside out.

***

Took advantage

of my collapse,

put the pistol in

the freezer

Grabbed some

ice,

a bottle of gin

found me a day

old pizza

***

Oh, what a night …

***

I was alone with myself …

***

Inside out, inside out

Inside out, inside out

Never thought

she’d go and leave me

inside out, inside out.

***

It must have

been the booze, or

something else

I started feeling

better,

grabbed my bike

and hit the road

***

I’ll find her

sooner or later.

***

Rainy night,

I was pretty tight,

ran the light,

never saw the car.

***

I was alone with myself …