Oh bee, where is thy sting?

All of

my

friend

-ships

with ducks

event

-ually

go south.


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How to Join the International Society of Trefologists

To become a member of the ISOT (International Society of Trefologists) one must first answer a series of questions.

***

Shall we commence?

***

BEGINNING of QUESTION ONE & TWO

***

1.) Have you ever had an un-kind thought about Trefology’s founder George Raymond?

a. Yes.

b. Yes, but only on Opposite Day

2.) When your lunch bag is missing from the office refrigerator do you automatically assume Trefology’s founder, George Raymond has eaten it?

a. Assume? I know he did!

b. (see a.)

***

END of QUESTION ONE & TWO

***


JOIN THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF TREFOLOGISTS

As George Raymond said over two hundred years ago,
"Help me! I've gone back in time!"

***

The Few. The Fewer. The ISOT.

Honk-honk

I remember when

my great grandmother

came to visit us

from the Old Country.

***

It was my nana’s

first trip abroad, and

her first trip anywhere

on her own.

***

My great grandfather

had died a year earlier

at the grand old age of

one hundred & nine,

when he was accidentally

crushed to death by

his own hat.

***

Fortunately for my nana

they had managed to save

a small fortune.

***

My great grandfather

never trusted banks, so

he kept all of his money

hidden in his mattress,

& he kept his mattress

in a money-market

account, in the hopes

that one day,

God willing, they would

have accrued enough

interest to buy

themselves something

comfortable to sleep

on.

***

But now

my great grandmother

used that money

to travel to the states

to begin a life anew.

***

Problem:

Nana spoke not a

word of English,

and we, in turn, spoke

not a word of

Old Country.

***

Fortunately, my father

came up with a novel

solution, which came to

him after a night spent

watching Marx Brothers

films.

***

Like, Harpo Marx,

our nana could learn to

communicate with a

horn!

***

Problem: the only

horn we had was the

horn attached to my

father’s Cadillac.

***

This was solved by

moving my great grandmother

out of the back cottage

and into the garage.

***

And over time, she became

quite adept at communicating

with the car-horn.

***

What follows is a brief list of

what each car-honk meant.

***

One car honk: Can somebody bring old granny her tobacco?

Two car honks: Old granny is still waiting on her tobacco.

Three car honks: Did every-body forget about old granny?

Four car honks: Old granny is taking the caddy out to buy tobacco

***

Then came the holidays

and with relatives arriving

we knew we had to find a

better solution …

*** 

End of Part One


IMG_1721_Fotor

Honk-honk!