IF you some-
times have trouble
remembering
important things,
try making a
rhyme out of it!
***
For example:
I always had
trouble
remembering
which
socks to wear.
***
So, I say,
***
Find a sock on the street,
don’t put it on your feet.
Find a sock in your drawer,
put it on for sure.
***
Now you try it at home.
All of
my
friend
-ships
with ducks
event
-ually
go south.
PROMOTED AD
How to Join the International Society of Trefologists
To become a member of the ISOT (International Society of Trefologists) one must first answer a series of questions.
***
Shall we commence?
***
BEGINNING of QUESTION ONE & TWO
***
1.) Have you ever had an un-kind thought about Trefology’s founder George Raymond?
a. Yes.
b. Yes, but only on Opposite Day
2.) When your lunch bag is missing from the office refrigerator do you automatically assume Trefology’s founder, George Raymond has eaten it?
a. Assume? I know he did!
b. (see a.)
***
END of QUESTION ONE & TWO
***
As George Raymond said over two hundred years ago, "Help me! I've gone back in time!"
***
The Few. The Fewer. The ISOT.
I come from
such a strict
Shakespearean
family
that in our
home movies
my mother
had to be
played by an
adolescent
boy in drag.
I bet it was
a pirate
who
invented the
diving board.
2.
.
“Every-child
on earth is
born with,
at the least,
a vague notion
of how to
dance the
Charleston.”
***
Always searching for the answers.
George is the best-friend the human race has ever known.
Talk to a Trefology registrar to-day!
Of all the
sandwiches …
I cannot think
of anything
sadder
than seeing a
sloppy Joe,
all spruced up
smart, and
wearing a little
bow-tie.
Because —
where do you
think
you’re going?
There
is not a
prison
that can
hold me,
the way
that I
want to
be held
My father used to
say that
back in his old
neighborhood
no one was ever
known to lock
their front door
at night.
***
We never thought twice about it. He’d say.
***
That is, until that
fateful morning,
when the whole
neighborhood
woke to find that,
as they had slept,
ALL
of their front doors
had run away.
.
.
How
can the
moon be
full,
it barely
eats.
my favorite
brand of
toothpaste is
Rembrandt
toothpaste,
because it
keeps my teeth
looking
dark and moody
with
occasional
high-lights
of gold.
I remember when
my great grandmother
came to visit us
from the Old Country.
***
It was my nana’s
first trip abroad, and
her first trip anywhere
on her own.
***
My great grandfather
had died a year earlier
at the grand old age of
one hundred & nine,
when he was accidentally
crushed to death by
his own hat.
***
Fortunately for my nana
they had managed to save
a small fortune.
***
My great grandfather
never trusted banks, so
he kept all of his money
hidden in his mattress,
& he kept his mattress
in a money-market
account, in the hopes
that one day,
God willing, they would
have accrued enough
interest to buy
themselves something
comfortable to sleep
on.
***
But now
my great grandmother
used that money
to travel to the states
to begin a life anew.
***
Problem:
Nana spoke not a
word of English,
and we, in turn, spoke
not a word of
Old Country.
***
Fortunately, my father
came up with a novel
solution, which came to
him after a night spent
watching Marx Brothers
films.
***
Like, Harpo Marx,
our nana could learn to
communicate with a
horn!
***
Problem: the only
horn we had was the
horn attached to my
father’s Cadillac.
***
This was solved by
moving my great grandmother
out of the back cottage
and into the garage.
***
And over time, she became
quite adept at communicating
with the car-horn.
***
What follows is a brief list of
what each car-honk meant.
***
One car honk: Can somebody bring old granny her tobacco?
Two car honks: Old granny is still waiting on her tobacco.
Three car honks: Did every-body forget about old granny?
Four car honks: Old granny is taking the caddy out to buy tobacco
***
Then came the holidays
and with relatives arriving
we knew we had to find a
better solution …
***
End of Part One
Honk-honk!
t r e f o l o g y 