I picked up my
first guitar
at the age of five,
and
I immediately
threw it off the
apartment balcony.
***
Then, as my dad
was running
down-stairs
to try and save it,
I picked up my
second guitar.
Author: Geo. Raymond
Kind of a jerk, actually.
That’s where the voices live
Some-days
the voices
in my head
tell me to do bad things,
and
on other days
the voices
in my head
tell me to do good things.
***
But mostly,
the voices
in my head
remind me
that what-ever
I do,
to please take good care
of my head.
Tea for trefology
I was once
followed by
a moon-shadow,
and while
I eventually
got away,
it was not before
it
took my mouth.
Once I ate a
Wendy’s old fashioned
hamburger
and then
I drank a
Dad’s old fashioned
root beer,
but
I didn’t suddenly
start feeling
old fashioned.
***
Though I did
feel bloated.
***
But I don’t know the
old fashioned word
for that
Peanuts
I was at the park
and
enjoying my Sun-day
afternoon,
when a ladybug suddenly
landed on my hand.
***
So I said to it
***
“Ladybug, ladybug,
fly away home,
your house is on fire
and your children
are gone.”
***
Then I
blew on the ladybug,
and off it flew.
***
But then
I began to wonder
if I hadn’t
needlessly
worried it …
***
“I’m sure your kids are fine!” I yelled after it.
It’s nothing I am proud of
I wear a big
red button,
on my lapel,
that says
***
“I got this button for free.
Ask me how!”
***
And if you
should notice
the button
& inquire about it,
I will tell you all
about that
fateful day
when I found it in
the trash.
Meet up
In the days before
the internet
if you wanted to hook-up
with a demon
you had to use a
ouija dating board.
Questions to ask a ouija dating board
– Are there ghosts present?
– Evil or friendly?
– Single?
– Of which faith do you belong?
– Carrying chains?
– Doomed to one location?
– Willing to bi-locate?
Jokes for kids
Q.
Where do you
bury
a ship’s captain
who was
addicted
to chocolate?
A.
At See’s
Battlefield land
As far as I can estimate,
There were no notable
Civil War battles in California.
***
That does not leave my
Civil War re-enactment group
with a lot to re-enact.
***
So, mostly
we just sit around
wearing old-timey clothes,
drink lemonade,
& say things like,
“What’s the news
from Washington?”
Have you traveled far?
They say
that you’re supposed to
talk to your plants every day to
keep them healthy,
but some-times,
in the middle of the night,
I’ll suddenly remember
that I forgot.
So I’ll get out of bed,
go downstairs
creep into the kitchen,
and say,
“You up?”
*
“With a smile and barong”
* photo courtesy of Fernando De Manila Tailoring in L.A.
88
All those
hours of
piano lessons
have finally paid off,
because now
I am a piano
