one should not feel compelled to climb a mountain
simply because it is there.
We ask, What if mountains are not there?
this would not be the first illusion
I’ve encountered that got me winded.
Maybe these so-called ‘mountains’
are really just phantasms created
by our unconsciousness,
that climbers sometimes
fall off of.
Part 2: What Price Abs?
In my family we have a story,
how, after my birth,
my father climbed Raymond Mountain,
and upon reaching the top
lifted my newly born self
high into the sky,
and in a strong, proud voice, said, “One!”
Then he lowered me back down,
but then quickly lifted me back up again.
“Two!” Said my father.
Step on a crack,
break your mama’s back.
Avoid every crack you see,
mama get’s ocd
a hungry man,
that first ate
his own toes.
“Bring me your tired,
your groggy, your napping,
All will be received in Trefology.” **
** No fast asleep
A man boards a 727 to Denver.
For reasons he cannot explain,
he immediately exits the plane.
Leaving the terminal, the man
hails down a taxi, telling the driver
to take him to Denver, asap.
A moment later,
the taxi takes off into the air,
crashing into the 727 to Denver.
How did this man know the plane was going to crash?
* special thanks to Koala LaFong, for use of the photo
Reminder: Though the Big Bang Theory was cancelled, you can still see the cosmic microwave remnants of it when you turn your tv to static.
By the comedy rule of three
your third bowel-movement of the day
should be the funny one.
there should only be a fourth during instances of extreme Chinese food take-out
I always keep
my pockets full of posey,
so, if a cop ever asks me to
empty my pockets,
he’ll think I have the plague
Without contractions Immanuel Kant would be Immanuel Kannot
I believe that any-thing that can
be balanced on one’s head
qualifies as a hat.
See this set of keys?
Now they are my hat.
Now a hat.
Or, even a fizza-me-gak?
Hat. Hat. Hat.
How about this beret?
… Well, no, maybe not the beret.
But to be fair,
I don’t think I can personally pull it off.
Still how about this old piece of dried-up dog crap?
Now its my hat!
But you get it.