Empire of the ants

They say from a plane

all the people look like ants,

and ants are too small to see,

but you know the ants are down-there anyway,

millions of them, and

just waiting for you to

leave on a plane trip.

***

At 3:00 a.m. I awoke in my bed

and suddenly remembered that I had left a

pie resting on the windowsill to cool.

So, I got up and went into the kitchen,

and when I opened the light,

I gasped as I saw thousands of ants

covering the pie.

***

This surprised me

because though I was aware

that I had a minor ant problem,

I didn’t think they

kept such late hours.

***

Nevertheless, as a result, now I had a major ant problem

***

My friend volunteered,

that ants hate cinnamon.

And while that is quite shocking,

I explained that I was not looking for

another reason to dislike the ants,

I just wanted them gone.

***

My friend said,

No, no, no, that is not what she meant,

but that

ants really hate cinnamon,

and I should try

leaving some out.

***

So, that evening I

made some delicious cinnamon toast,

and I left it on a

plate on the counter as a

warning to the ants.

***

Come morning-time, to my disappointment,

the cinnamon toast was gone.

The ants had eaten it anyway, I guess.

But, at least,

I had the satisfaction of knowing

they did not enjoy it.


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Home gardens

I remember

when-ever one of us kids

had a loose tooth,

our father would go to the basement

and return with some

string from his work-bench.

***

Making a loop in the string,

he would then attach

one end of the string to the loose tooth,

& the other end of the string

to a doorknob.

***

He’d do a countdown

from three,

two,

one

***

And then he would

chuck the doorknob

out the window.

***

“That’s another one for the yard”

he’d say,

reaching for his binoculars

The dancer

I told my enemy that

if I should out-live him

I would most surely

dance on his grave.

***

“Over my dead body you’ll dance!”

He exclaimed,

shaking with anger.

***

“Exactly” I replied.

***

And I outlived him,

and I danced on his grave.

Dear reader,

you have never

seen such grave dancing.

***

But here is the strange part,

for when I had finished,

I swear to you,

I thought I heard some muted applause.

***

I guess, in the end,

I will say this much for him,

I may not have liked him,

but the guy knew what was good.


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Change

I grew up in a poor family.

We were poor,

but un-happy.

It seemed like good times were hard to come by.

And most-days,

we didn’t have two nickels to rub together.

But I remember, too,

those times when we did have two nickels,

& we’d rub them together

all night long. 

The cock-a-hoop ghost

One evening,

while driving down an old highway,

I picked up a mysterious hitchhiker.

I asked him where he was headed,

and in a deep voice,

he told me he was going to Memphis to see his mama.

ii.

Now this hitchhiker was very polite,

always replying with a

“Yes, Sir”, or a “No, Ma’am”,

depending on the question or

how the lights of the passing cars

reflected off my eyes.

iii.

I asked him his name, and

he laughed softly to himself, and replied,

“Let’s just say it rhymes with Presley.

Then he gave gave me a wink.

***

I immediately began making guesses,

“Tresley?

Quesley?

Frezley?

Schlessley?

Zezzley?”

But the mysterious hitchhiker only winked again

and asked me to stop making guesses.

iv.

He told me that life had taught him a valuable lesson,

which he would reveal to me,

if I was willing to listen.

***

I said, no, but

he began to weave a tale, anyway,

which I will relate to you now.

v.

The mysterious hitchhiker

told me that many years ago,

he had willingly given up the august spot-light,

and the adulation of millions

for anonymity and adventure.

He traveled the world several times and again,

solving crimes, and exploring mysteries,

such as,

living for forty days in

the Pacific Northwest wilderness,

searching for Bigfoot.

***

At the end of his journey,

with no sightings of the mythical beast,

the hitchhiker concluded,

that maybe Bigfoot was a thing

that could only

be ‘found’

when searching within oneself.

vi.

Nevertheless,

when the hitchhiker returned home,

he found a note from Bigfoot

that read,

Just stopped by to say, Hello.

Yours,

‘Bigfoot'”

***

But then, as an afterthought,

on the back, Bigfoot mentioned that he hoped

the hitchhiker was not hiding somewhere

in the Pacific Northwest wilderness

just to avoid paying back the $40 he owed him.

vii.

This, of course, was not true, for as,

the hitchhiker had previously noted,

it was he who had been looking for him!

viii.

 Unfortunately, for the hitchhiker,

Bigfoot, had taken the opportunity

to crash at the hitchhikers pad for several weeks, too,

eating all of his food,

breaking all of his chairs,

and doodling all over his personal stationary.

***

What was worse, Bigfoot

had run also off with his ‘old lady’.

***

This surprised the hitchhiker the most of all,

because he had always thought

she worshipped the ground he walked on.

And, in a way, he was right,

as she would eventually leave Bigfoot, too,

and move in with

a piece of ground.

.

PART TWO

.

ix.

The hitchhiker grew sullen and he

turned his attention back to

looking out the car window.

x.

As we passed though a small town,

the hitchhiker interrupted my whistling

and asked if I could let him out

near a Ralph’s supermarket.

“I need to pick up some-thing for my mama,” he said.

xi.

I obliged, and pulled into the Ralph’s ample parking lot,

but after I had parked the car,

I suddenly realized that I was all alone.

The mysterious hitchhiker was gone!

xii.

What could it all mean?” I asked myself.

Then I noticed something on the passenger seat.

It was the hitchhikers,

Ralph’s value club card.

Had the hitchhiker been trying to teach me a lesson about savings?

It was just all too much for me to process.

xiii.

Nevertheless,

I went into the store,

used his Ralph’s value club card and

saved fifty cents on paper towels,

and box of microwave sushi.

***

“Savings.” I said confidently,

as I walked my discounted loot up to the counter.

xiv.

As I paid for my items,

the grocery checker looked at the name on the receipt

and said, “Thank you, Mr. Nestlé!”

I nodded,

struck a rock n roll pose,

curled my lip

and said,

Thank-you-very-much.”

***

“Oh, all right,” said the checker.

.

CONCLUSION

.

xv.

Exactly ten years later to the day,

I was on the same road again,

and happened to stop at old highway diner for breakfast.

xvi.

There I overhead three truck drivers

talking about a

mysterious hitchhiker

they had all individually encountered.

xvii.

“Trying to get home to his mama.” Said one.

“Disappeared into thin air” said the other.

“Looking for his Ralph’s value club card,” said the third.

end.


0-10

Los feliz

It was so hot in L.A.,

I saw a guy on the street corner, and

he was frying an egg on the sidewalk.

The thing about it is,

when I came back later,

the guy was still there,

& he was still frying eggs,

but now there was a line around the block to

get a sidewalk egg sandwich.

 


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Little golden adventures

I bid adieu to my

family & friends

and told them that I would most-likely be gone for years.

I was about to embark on

a dangerous journey into

uncharted lands, terra incognita,

to make my fortune.

But, life had a surprise in store for me …

for it only took me 15 minutes of panning for gold,

when I suddenly hit the mother-load

of boredom.

 

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Mean-while on the boulevard des capucines …

 

Monet & Manet

walk into a shake joint

to see a dancer named Moanet.

Later, after the show,

Monet turns to Manet and says,

“Any impressions?”