Happy New Y’ar!

I suppose I have always been lucky …

My family & friends say I that mis-remember a lot

of my past. And maybe that’s true — for some things.

But there are also places & people that I will never forget.

Such as growing up in a ginger-bread house,

or the Man with No Bones.

And, one thing in particular, my moms peculiar way

of setting the dinner table.

ii.

For as long as I can remember, my mother always set

the table with two sets of identical salt & pepper shakers.

Seems trivial, I know.

But we were only a family of four.

And it made little difference if only two or three of us

were eating that night. My mother would still place, on

the table, two sets of identical

salt & pepper shakers.

iii.

I recall one day having to stay home from school

due to a high fever.

My dad rolled in the TV set so I could watch

cartoons, and my mom brought in a tray

of my favorite foods: Spaghetti O’s & a side of

saltine crackers.

And on the tray … two sets of identical

salt & pepper shakers.

I think that may have been the first time I

questioned it. But only to myself.

Otherwise, I said nothing …

iv.

And the seasons passed, and the years went by

and we all got a little bit older and a little bit wiser.

And through it all there was but one constant,

and you may have all ready guessed it.

It was my mom setting the table with two sets

of identical salt & pepper shakers.

Still I said nothing …

v.

Until last week, when I went to visit my mother at

the Home of the Very Age-ed. She and I sat in her

small room & reminisced about family members who

had long ago passed on. And then, finally, after an hour or so

of light conversation, I gathered up the nerve

to ask her the question that had nagged me for so many years.

Why — Why did you always set the table with two sets of

identical salt & pepper shakers?

vi.

My mother closed her eyes as if in deep thought.

And a strange, other-worldy calmness seemed to

suddenly pour over her entire being.

vii.

Finally, she opened her eyes.

I leaned in close so as not to miss a word.

Said my mother,

“One set of the identical

salt & pepper shakers, my son  was poison!”

 

finis

for j.p.


 

Per the Trefological calendar, to-day, February the 1st, is officially the beginning of the new year.

So, from all of me to some of you, I want to wish you a happy new y’ar.

Your friend (in life)

the undersigned,

geo. raymond

Fortuna smiles

IN

the furthering of my researches

into matter, energy,

space & time, 

I ordered something off the internet

called a ‘God Helmet’.

Upon receiving it, I was disappointed

to find that instead of a God Helmet,

with an ‘o’,

I had purchased a cheap knock-off,

called a ‘Gad’ Helmet,

with an ‘a’.

But, in the spirit of exploration,

I put it on anyway — 

plugged it in, switched it on,

and damn it all, friends, 

if I did not see Gad.


ii.

AND GAD SAYS, HEY.

Charles Schulz & I have something we’d like to wish you.

I bought a birthday card

but I realised later,

that the card already said,

‘Happy Birthday’

on the inside.

Now what, I wondered,

am I supposed to write?

The birthday card company never considered that maybe

‘Happy Birthday’ was all I had to say to that person anyway.

And, now, to worsen it,

Peanuts & the gang

have all ready said it. 

Bare in mind

Per the Trefological calendar:

the New Year does not officially begin until February the 1st.

December 31st is therefore considered a Pre-New Year event.

… So from all of me

to parts of you,

I wish you a happy and prosperous 31 day Pre-New Year.

And remember!


Though mortal coil

can go down stairs

like the Slinky do …

Be careful!

As you may still be

connected to it


0-3Our founder contemplates the future as a Christmas tree approaches from behind.