q.

Did you hear about

the guy who passed a

kidney stone on the highway?

a.

It scared him to death,

he thought it was a cop!

.

My boss said

I would find a

“little something extra”

in my pay envelope

this week,

but it turned out to be

some warm spit.

“I’ll give you

something to

cry about,”

said the Bully,

***

handing me his copy

of the book,

Bridge to Terabithia

***

Then he punched me

in the face, anyway.

***

“That’s in case you’re illiterate,”

said the Bully.

.

2.

.

q.

Did you hear about the

automobile accident

between two hearses?

a.

The drivers are ok

but both passengers died,

about a week earlier.

.

Sometimes, on a

warm Summer night,

I’ll stand naked

on my balcony, look up

at the moon, and

wonder if the moon

can see me too.

***

Can you see me Old Moon?

***

But the moon

says nothing

***

I know my neighbors can see me,

***

because they won’t

shut up about it.

***

But I’m wondering about the moon.

.

2.

Each time I see the

film Citizen Kane,

I see something different.

***

As an example …

***

The last time I saw

Citizen Kane I saw

hundreds of bugs

crawling up my legs.

And I had to be

restrained with thorazine

***

And yet, is that

not the mark of

a great film?

.

I remember when I

was five or six

***

a crazy old man

took up residence in

the abandoned well

on our property.

***

he was always yelling, as I recall.

***

Then, one day, he moved away.

***

Soon after a

skeleton moved in.

***

Weird but true.

My dance instructor

told me dancing would

get me far. But only

if I left now.

.

2.

The first time

I took drugs,

I saw God,

and He was with

my parents,

and they all

agreed that I

was grounded.

Blue is the

color of my

true love

when she shows

me how long

she can hold

her breath.