My friend J. told me

if I get nervous

speaking in front of

large groups

try to picture the

audience without any

clothes on.

***

But I don’t have that

good of an imagination.

***

So, instead,

***

I just ask the

audience to please

picture me naked.

.

2.

There was

a fourth man

in the tub

with

the butcher,

the baker

and the

candlestick maker,

but no one

remembers him,

because,

he was

between jobs.

The only way

I will ever play

Carnegie Hall

is if I

hunker down

and practice,

practice,

practice,

my lock-picking skills

I saw a ship

at the pier

and wondered

how it would

look inside

of a bottle.

In the olden days

I probably would

have been

the Town-Crier,

because

I’m always sad

about one-thing

or, another.

>

2.

If the guy who

wrote the

“shave & a haircut

two-bits” song

***

were to return to life,

***

walk into a barber shop,

***

and see

what they charge

to-day

for the same

***

he would probably say,

***

“Five hundred bits?!”

.

Lately,

I’ve been

keeping

a daily

lucid-dream

journal.

Or — so,

I thought …

I have a trick knee.

***

So, I always know

when it’s raining.

Because when it rains,

my trick knee

gets wet.

***

I have an umbrella

***

but its one of those

cocktail umbrellas

and, so it only covers

one-half a trick knee.

.

I was never

very good

at yo-yo tricks,

though,

I can walk the

dog with a yo-yo,

if I use it

as a leash.

2.

When-ever,

I misplace

my glasses

I ask myself:

Where was the

last place I

remember

seeing clearly?