The only way

I will ever play

Carnegie Hall

is if I

hunker down

and practice,

practice,

practice,

my lock-picking skills

I saw a ship

at the pier

and wondered

how it would

look inside

of a bottle.

In the olden days

I probably would

have been

the Town-Crier,

because

I’m always sad

about one-thing

or, another.

>

2.

If the guy who

wrote the

“shave & a haircut

two-bits” song

***

were to return to life,

***

walk into a barber shop,

***

and see

what they charge

to-day

for the same

***

he would probably say,

***

“Five hundred bits?!”

.

Lately,

I’ve been

keeping

a daily

lucid-dream

journal.

Or — so,

I thought …

I have a trick knee.

***

So, I always know

when it’s raining.

Because when it rains,

my trick knee

gets wet.

***

I have an umbrella

***

but its one of those

cocktail umbrellas

and, so it only covers

one-half a trick knee.

.

I was never

very good

at yo-yo tricks,

though,

I can walk the

dog with a yo-yo,

if I use it

as a leash.

2.

When-ever,

I misplace

my glasses

I ask myself:

Where was the

last place I

remember

seeing clearly?

As a kid

I figured that

by to-day

we’d all be

traveling in

rocket ships

to the store.

I used to keep

a mousetrap in

my jacket pocket

in order, to

catch pick-pockets.

***

Then one day

it went ‘snap!’

And I pulled out

the mouse-trap,

but, to my surprise,

it was not the

hand of a thief

I caught

***

but an actual mouse!

***

Then it occurred to me,

maybe, I shouldn’t have

left that piece of cheese

on it

.

2.

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