“Life is a game of
checkers, and
Trefologists are
the king-makers”
page two
To know life one must have lived life,
and also, not yet be dead.
Because if you’re dead,
then you are right back at the beginning,
and what the heck, anyway.
ii.
Me? I have always been
in the center of life with
a capital L, followed
by three other unknown letters.
***
In fact, I’d say, few people know
life as well as I do,
especially in regard to things
that are very specific to
myself.
iii.
Mr. Bones, let me tell you how I began
my search for the answers of life.
***
I still can recall that fateful vacation
to California.
It was Winter in Anaheim
and the city was experiencing
an unseasonably strong
ginger snap,
with temperatures dropping
into the mid A,B,C’s.
iv.
My father was in Los Angeles
looking for extra-work
in the radio dramas.
***
Back then, Hollywood was
an unforgiving town.
The dead littered the streets.
And so did the living.
It seems like
everyone was littering.
But it was the 1970s.
The Golden age of litter.
v.
My father, though, was
never able to find work, and
desperate,
he tried to take his own life
by drinking a whole box
of Sleepy-time tea;
but only managed to make
himself pee for 75 minutes
straight.
***
If only he had not done
so in his sleep.
vi.
You see, Bones, I’m fortunate.
Due to a genetic anomaly between
my parents & the labs of Monsanto,
I was gifted an eidetic memory. ¹
That is to say, I can recall every single
moment in my life
perfectly with perfect Visio-sight. ²
***
As an example,
on that particular day the sky
was purple. My windbreaker
was sea-purple.
Even my skin had a purple-ish
tint.
And I recall life’s corners were
bent & dog-eared and the
sun was hitting my memory
in such a way that everyone’s
face was out of focus.
***
I recall the word ‘Kodak’, too.
Such is my curse, I guess.
vii.
I was not a paranoid child.
Not professionally.
(Not as I am to-day)
But by mid-afternoon I could tell
something was awry.
My parents kept looking at me
in a suspicious manner.
They often did this when they
were about to attempt something
‘tricky’,
but I could tell that this day
it was going to be something more.
***
My fears were later confirmed
when, as we were exiting
Frontierland, my father suddenly
became agitated.
***
The same way he would when he
suspected we kids had been in his
office and reading his Archie
digests.
***
Suddenly my dad pointed toward
some shrubs & said,
“Look, son, isn’t that TV’s Johnny Whittaker?”
When I turned to look,
my parents ran off.
***
I was never to see them ever again.
***
page three
viii.
Not for for another twenty minutes,
anyway,
when I saw them entering the
Adventures Thru Inner Space ride.
***
They had a boy with them that
looked a lot like me.
Same smile and hair.
Same pimpin’ clothes.
Same tap shoes.
***
I called out to them but in
the din of the crowd
they could not hear me.
Why oh why did I have to be
so close to the din?
ix.
If dear reader, you never
had the opportunity
to go on that
particular attraction,
the rider is miniaturized into
the size of an atom, and
then sent directly into the
center of a snowflake.
***
It was brilliant,
but tragically for my family,
not very popular and the ride
was shut down permanently
mere moments later.
***
My parents never had a chance
to return to their normal size, and
as far as I can figure, they are
out there to this day floating around
the ether of the shitty Star Wars ride,
that would later replace it.
***
And, you know what?
I never did get to see
Johnny Whittaker.
x.
But, that my friends, is a whole other made-up story.
page four
TREFOLOGY – JOIN US WHILE WE STILL WANT YOU
¹ Eidetic memory is to-day largely referred to as one who possesses a photographic memory. The earliest known example of someone displaying signs of a photographic memory was in 1840. His name was Matthew Nemerov. Matt, as they called him, knew almost nothing & was considered an idiot by many. But it was 1840 & photographic processing was still in its moronic stage.
With Trefology processing one can now reach the Eidetic-like state of TorK (Totality of regular Knowledge)
“My father, tho, was never able to find work in radio. He tired to take his own life by drinking a whole box of Sleepy-time tea, but only managed to make himself pee for 75 minutes straight. If only he had not done so in his sleep.” – Hahahahaha. This is on a par with Woody Allen. Great stuff in general.
– esme falling about upon the Cloud.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Preach!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Apparently I lied with my comment on the last post. This one is even closer to my heart…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Abraham Lincoln. Wasn’t he the man who started a meat business called Lincoln Sausage?
LikeLiked by 1 person