I remember when
my great grandmother
came to visit us
from the Old Country.
***
It was my nana’s
first trip abroad, and
her first trip anywhere
on her own.
***
My great grandfather
had died a year earlier
at the grand old age of
one hundred & nine,
when he was accidentally
crushed to death by
his own hat.
***
Fortunately for my nana
they had managed to save
a small fortune.
***
My great grandfather
never trusted banks, so
he kept all of his money
hidden in his mattress,
& he kept his mattress
in a money-market
account, in the hopes
that one day,
God willing, they would
have accrued enough
interest to buy
themselves something
comfortable to sleep
on.
***
But now
my great grandmother
used that money
to travel to the states
to begin a life anew.
***
Problem:
Nana spoke not a
word of English,
and we, in turn, spoke
not a word of
Old Country.
***
At first we hired a guy
to dub her voice for her.
But we could only afford
the guy who voiced the
Hercules movies, and when
we’d ask,
“How are you doing Grandma?’
She’d reply,
“Demtri, watch out for that boulder!”
***
Fortunately, my father
came up with a novel
solution, which came to
him after a night spent
watching Marx Brothers
films.
***
Like, Harpo Marx,
our nana could learn to
communicate with a
horn!
***
Problem: the only
horn we had was the
horn attached to my
father’s Cadillac.
***
This was solved by
moving my great grandmother
out of the back cottage
and into the garage.
***
And over time, she became
quite adept at communicating
with the car-horn.
***
What follows is a brief list of
what each car-honk meant.
***
One car honk: Can somebody bring old granny her tobacco?
Two car honks: Old granny is still waiting on her tobacco.
Three car honks: Did every-body forget about old granny?
Four car honks: Old granny is taking the caddy out to buy tobacco
***
Then came the holidays
and with relatives arriving
we knew we had to find a
better solution …
***
End of Part One
Honk-honk!
Can’t wait for part two.
Thank you, SH
You are welcome! I really want to know how this continues.
[…] Honk-honk — t r e f o l o g y […]
Thank you, David
Wow. A cliffhanger ending. I’m aquiver with excitement, tref.
That’s great. The follow up is called, Don’t Hold Your Breath. Thanks, VC
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Thanks, FW!
(1) My granny’s name was Gene Tierney. She was caught speeding in a John Ford on Tobacco Road.
(2) New World beds feature softer mattresses. You can bank on it.
(3) Cape Horn is at the southernmost headland of Tierra del Fuego. It was banished to the end of the world because it was always honking so dang LOUD.
Hah! Thanks, David.
Didn’t the Marx Brothers own Mattress Savings and Loan? Eagerly awaiting Part Two of Nana’s Adventures!
Hah! Well, Groucho did run “The Big Store” but that is better left forgotten. Thank you, MM
Very fun, George. :)
Go Nana —
Make Old Country Caddy
honk smoke rings!
Thanks, CES
So funny!
And crushed by his own hat! Ha!
Thanks, Betsy. That line is one of the first things I ever writ’. I was happy to finally get it out of my notebook.
Haha! Glad you finally found a home for it. I always hate for clever lines to go to waste.
Tref-tastic first-parter. Go granny!
Thank you, Ford
I shall be waiting with a worm on my tongue for part 2.
Gracious! I’d better get cracking then. Thanks, SPP
It will break Nana’s heart when you tell her that there is no sanity clause
She already wasn’t too happy with the party of the first part being known in the contract as the party of the first part, but it grew on her. Thanks, C.
Hah. I’m sure!
I admire Granny, and I can’t wait to see what happens next. She seems worthy of her own series.
love it! Cant wait to read part two!
Thank you, Carol!