It takes a
village to
kill a
Frankenstein
monster.
3.
When I was a kid,
the goat deity Baphomet
used to appear at our
home every year at
Thanksgiving for dinner.
***
I remember my
grandmother would always
get his name wrong—
calling him, “Bath-mat”.
***
And everyone would laugh.
***
Everyone but Baphomet.
***
He would just pretend
not to notice, or else
try to change the subject.
***
One Thanksgiving,
my mom had an actual
bath-mat made with
Baphomet’s image.
***
But he ended up
cancelling at
the last minute.
t r e f o l o g y 
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That’s him! Except he had a shirt on, with a brown corduroy jacket and a tie.
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Just one question, “Kid.” Any family connections to the Knights Templar?
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I think one of my ancestors lived next door to the Knights Templar — there are family stories (legends, really) about us sometimes getting their mail.
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Which of course you never opened.
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“It takes a village to kill a Frankenstein monster” deserves the Mel Brooks Prize for original opening lines, and as a character at a family’s holiday dinner, Baphomet is not just any old goat, while a grandmother confusing Thanksgiving with Halloween can be forgiven for insulting the guest of honor. Top marks, G.
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Your words made my day. Thank you, E. Sum! Please send my regards to P. Leduc
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Your family was higher on the pecking order. We entertain the lesser diety Laundromet on Thanksgivings. We call him Laundro Matt behind his back because his clothes are always so clean. He has been attending for 45 years now.
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I am downey man, myself, so Laundro could very well be me. Wait, a sec–perhaps it is! I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, Geoff!
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Can’t wait! Great food, lots of laughs. What could go wrong?
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nice one.
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Thank you, william sinclair manson, AKA Billy the kid.
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Deep dive into the true nature of his turkey day cancellation:
Baphomet (“bath-mat”) used his bathyscaphe (“bath-escape”) to avoid Thanksgiving dinner. He was accused of canceling because of fear that he would once again be the object of ridicule. On the surface, that seems like a logical conclusion. But the truth is that the goat deity always thought eating turkey was disgusting. Suggesting that Baphomet feared ridicule simply doesn’t hold water. And, to set the record straight, he did not eat Chicken of the Sea albacore tuna on his voyage to the bottom of the sea. He ate sea bass (“sea-bath”) sushi. Leftovers were stored in a large tupperware (“tub-o’-war”) container.
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That is hilarious, David. Thanks!
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:D Too funny! Definitely one of your best posts! The Knights Templar enjoyed this as well. :D :D :D
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Thanks, MM. Such kind words — much appreciated. For what it’s worth, Baphomet told us the Knights kept the Holy Grail “hidden” in their kitchen cabinet. Probably still there.
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One Hell of a story.
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Old Baphomet has had many interpretations— from saint to scapegoat—but he always brought his famous potato salad.
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And his deviled eggs. Can’t forget those. Here in Arkansas, we temporarily had a statue of Baphomet at the state capitol, in protest of a Ten Commandments monument, if memory serves. It was taken down because it didn’t have legislative sponsorship. I understand the statue now resides in Salem, Massachusetts.
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That’s right. I remember that. I saw it too when I was putting together this post.
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Pretty sure he only attended for the pie, anyway.
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My grandmother made the pies, my mom made the cakes. There was always a lot to choose from. Thanks, Crow!
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Unfortunately, Baphomet was taking a bath and slipped on the mat. :)
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Funny enough, the guy could never stop reminding us to wear flip-flops in the shower to avoid a spill. But I guess that was a “do as I say, not as I do” kind-of-thing. Of course, he had hooves anyway.
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Oh, my! If he had split hooves, he may be an evil entity.
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You’ll have to take that up with the Knights Templar!
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Good o’l Baphy always good for a laugh untill bath mats are involved.
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Some people have no sense of humor. Not, Janny, though! Thanks!
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Dang. He really missed out. That would’ve been epically funny.
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Like those birthdays stickers of yours! Thanks, Ilsa
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Oh yeah. Do you still have that?!
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That explains the baphomet bath mat at Uncle Barry’s! She must’ve re-gifted it. I always wondered what was going on at Barry’s.
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LOL! I wondered where this was going!
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Thanks, Freya!
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LOL
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Thanks, Dawn
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Interesting choice of image, Geo. Might you be may be making a serious point?
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If I ever did it would be purely accidental. Thanks, M!
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That explains a lot!
I once had a brown corduroy jacket.
It burst into flames at a Black Sabbath
concert 🎸🔥 😈
The fire only went out when I ducked
into a nearby church 💦🙏😇
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Interesting, David. One early draft actually had Baphomet in a brown corduroy jacket, so your comment made me stop, go back & reread it. Thanks, D.
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Funny – maybe not so much, my grown-up son has a cat he named Baphomet. The wife and I call the cat Bath-Mat.
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Then you now have a perfect holiday gift for next year! And you’re welcome. Of course, I’d send you ours, but that’s a whole different Baphomet. And thanks, Kenneth.
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