Last night, I was

awoken by a raven

that had flown in

through my open window,

and perched itself

atop my book-case.

***

“Who is there?” I cried.

“Let me give you what for!”

But t’wasn’t human that

answered.

***

Said the raven,

“Dinty Moore.”

***

Tell me, bird, I asked.

Are you an omen,

or divine?

Is this a message of

the future — of

 what I have in store?

But my plea it went

unanswered.

***

Said the raven,

“Dinty Moore.”

***

“Wait,” I said, as

suddenly I knew.

“Dinty Moore?

The beef-stew?”

***

“Is that why you bother me?

Is this what you tout?

Is that why you woke me?”

***

Said the raven,

“I’ll show myself out.”

***

part two

***

The next morning,

still in my kerchief &

night-gown, I sat with

a cup of coffee at

the breakfast nook

***

Lit a bowl,

and pondered my

passerine

pop-in crook

***

… And how,

despite the intrusion,

I suppose some beef-stew

did sound pretty good.

***

When suddenly,

there was a tapping at my

window.

***

It was another raven!

This one dressed smart —

***

In a pressed white shirt

with black tie taut.

On a card table was an

e-meter.

***

Said the raven,

“Would you like to see a thought?”

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I was never very good

at practical jokes.

Like doorbell ditch.

***

I couldn’t co-ordinate

all the parts

***

I’d ring the bell,

and when

the door opened, 

there I would be.

***

Standing there.

***

Snickering into my hand.

***

Like, some kind of

no-good-at-doorbell-ditch-kid.

The restless spirit of

the Spanish ventriloquist

Senor Wences has begun

communicating through me.

***

Using my hand as a vehicle,

just as he once did with

his famous characters!

***

I say this to you,

confidentially and only

because, Senor Wences

has intimated that he

has something very

important to tell you—

ABOUT THE FUTURE!

***

So pull up a chair,

as I don’t want you to

miss a single word!

***

But first let me

apply some lip-stick

to my thumb

and forefinger.

***

Because there is

something else

I should tell you:

***

Senor Wences—

wants to kiss you!

Insist on a

using a

crazy straw

at a

restaurant,

and suddenly

it is I,

the customer,

who is crazy

.

This one is dumb but there are better ones. Keep reading

My mom used

to cut all

the crust off

my sandwiches

because I

only like

the crust.

.

2.

3.

More specifically,

laughter is the best

over-the-counter medicine. 

Keep circulating the URL

We all know the story

of how the eight members of

Wallace Hartley’s band

continued playing even as

the Titanic was sinking.

***

But sometimes I wonder,

what of the other service staff?

***

For instance, what was

the crepe-guy doing?

***

Was he making crepes?

***

Or, was he making a raft of crepes?

***

I think too of the

ship’s scarf juggler.

Did he continue

juggling scarves?

***

And did the Titanic even

have a scarf juggler?

***

I have no idea. I just assume, yes.

***

What of the legend

of the ship’s masseur?

***

Some claim that during

the ship’s final moments

the masseur could be seen

frantically giving

deep tissue leg massages.

***

Though to himself.

***

“Legs don’t fail me now!”

he was last heard to say.

.

Keep circulating the URL.

When-ever,

my good friend,

Akmal the

egg-laying boy,

invites me over

for breakfast,

I always make sure

to tell him,

“NO.”

.

Keep circulating the URL