Microwave stories

The microwave oven in my apartment

has thirty-two buttons

and they all do the very same thing.

They turn the microwave on.

ii.

My microwave has a button for popcorn

and pizza but what it doesn’t have a setting 

for is cooking a frozen burrito irregularly.

Which is a shame, 

as that is what it mostly does anyway.

iii.

Stopping the microwave oven 

with exactly one second left on the timer

always sort of messes with my head.

I begin having big thoughts, like maybe

I should’ve gotten a job defusing bombs.

iv.

To that end, I have devised

a microwave oven with a two-wire off mechanism.

One red

and one blue.

Cut the correct wire and the oven

stops.

But cut the wrong wire and the

oven jumps into metal utensil mode

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