Humor

The gargling man

george RAYMOND36 Comments

My pre-school years

were spent at the

Torino apartments, in

San Carlos, California,

***

For those unfamiliar,

San Carlos is about a

full days journey outside of

San Francisco by ocean

liner. By rocket ship

it is much faster.

***

Those years total some

of my most beloved

child-hood memories.

***

Even if, after all this time,

they are less whole memories,

than they are just un-connected,

fragments of things—

that I am fairly certain

once happened to me.

***

Nevertheless, I can

still remember a few

people from that

apartment building.

***

First there was Josh. He

was a year older than me,

and lived in an apartment

up-stairs from my own.

***

The way I remember it,

Josh had more Monopoly

money than anybody I

had ever met— before

or since. And he liked

to flash it around, too.

***

Then there was Mette,

she was a younger than me,

and my most complete

memory of her was that

she always seemed to

have a couple of lego-pieces

handy, if needed — and

indeed, quite often we did.

***

Then there was

the Gargling Man …

he lived next door to us,

— much much older than me,

***

We only met once, but

he remained one of the

great mysteries of my life.

At least, up until that time.

***

Part Two

***

“… And the Gargling Man

gargles.

Gargling his life away.

How many times

did he gargle to-day?

1 … 2 … 3 … 4 …5 …“

(from a 19th century French children’s jump rope song.)

***

Part Three

***

Now there are two

schools of thought

on who and what of

the Gargling Man.

***

1. The Rationalist Theory

It could be that, in the

design of the

apartment building,

his bathroom was

close to my bedroom,

and so, it goes to say,

the only time I would

have been aware of

his presence was when

he was in the bathroom,

getting ready for work,

or, preparing for bed.

***

Or, …

***

2.The Irrationalist Theory 

And this is my particular

school of thought.

Simply:

Maybe the Gargling Man

was always gargling.

***

Which is correct?

No one can say. 

My mom swears I am

totally exaggerating

the entire thing.

***

In particular, this

next part, which she

claims I

“cut from whole cloth”.

But I know what I saw.

***

For this one time,

I happened to be coming

out of my apartment,

when at the exact same

time, the Gargling Man

was coming out of his.

***

Startled, I took an

immediate step back.

There he was, as tall

as a tree, head-cocked,

mouth wide open,

minty smell. … Gargling.

***

I squeaked a hello.

He glanced, nodded,

and said, “Hng-gar-o”.

***

I swear that is true.

***

But then, just like that,

one day the Gargling Man

was gone.

***

I’d lie in bed at night

and listen for the

telltale sounds,

… but there were none.

***

“What will become of the Gargling Man?”

I would ask my dad.

But he would just look

at me funny and say,

“I have no idea what that boy is talking about.”

***

Then, I guess, I forgot all about it.

***

That is, until one night,

many years later.

I was much older, having

just returned home for

Winter break from college.

***

I happened to be up late,

watching a popular late

night-host on TV, when

the announcer said,

“Next up, actor, Mike Lookinland.”

***

But I must have mis-heard him,

because for a second,

I thought the announcer

had said,

the “Gargling Man”.

***

And for that one moment in time, …

I was so fucking proud.

.

Scan 9

the author, at about that same time.

36 thoughts on “The gargling man”

  1. (1) Josh lives in Park Place, a luxury condo that is a full day’s travel from the Baltic Sea on the Reading Railroad.
    (2) Mette remembers saying, “Lego my girly pieces!” She thought you were cute, though…
    (3) The Gargling Man was practicing for a role in the TV movie, “Gargoyles.” Sadly, he misunderstood the title of the film. But at the auditions, the film director did compliment him on his minty breath.

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  13. Great memories and so vivid. I can recall very little and the people around me are amazed: “You don’t remember THIS, you don’t remember THAT?” I’m amazed, too, and sad. Wish I had your memory.

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  14. I assumed some elaboration, but still…I just have raggedy threads of memory from childhood.
    But your perceptions feel familiar, like how I remember the few things that have stuck in my brain from then. Gives one the warm and fuzzies, lol.

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