Back in the
Sleepy Hollow days,
if you lost your
head in an
industrial accident,
the insurance
company gave you
a horse
and a pumpkin.
.
2.
trefology continues to be
popular with ladies made
of lego.
Ghosts of refreshment past
Grandma told us
she would make us
her famous
“old-fashioned” lemonade.
***
Unfortunately she didn’t
have the main ingredient.
***
So, she asked us to
pray to God for a lemon.
***
And we did.
***
But no lemon was forthcoming.
***
To our surprise,
Grandma just smiled,
winked, and told us,
that she’ll have to
make lemonade —
out of our predicament.
***
But none of us were
looking to drink that shit.
.
.
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My dumb life
I was never very good
at practical jokes.
Especially, doorbell
ditch.
***
I just couldn’t nail it.
***
I’d ring the bell,
and when the door
opened,
there I would be.
***
Standing there.
***
Snickering into my hand.
***
Like, some kind of
no-good-at-doorbell-ditch-kid.
A girl named, sincerely
I once had a
crush on a girl
named, Sincerely.
***
Then, one day,
she moved away.
***
Fearing I would never
see her again, I wrote
her a letter,
***
It began,
***
“Dear Sincerely,
George.
***
It was a very short letter.
***
At the bottom
I added a bunch of
X’s and O’s,
adding,
***
“This is what
tic-tac-toe
looks like
unbridled by the
number sign.”
.
2.
Modern necromancy
The restless spirit of
the Spanish ventriloquist
Senor Wences has begun
communicating through me.
***
Using my hand as a vehicle,
just as he once did with
his famous characters!
***
I say this to you,
confidentially and only
because, Senor Wences
has intimated that he
has something very
important to tell you—
ABOUT THE FUTURE!
***
So pull up a chair,
as I don’t want you to
miss a single word!
***
But first let me
apply some lip-stick
to my thumb
and forefinger.
***
Because there is
something else
I should tell you:
***
Senor Wences—
wants to kiss you!
The milk goes ’round and ’round
Insist on a
using a
crazy straw
at a
restaurant,
and suddenly
it is I,
the customer,
who is crazy
.
This one is dumb but there are better ones. Keep reading
Particular
My mom used
to cut all
the crust off
my sandwiches
because I
only like
the crust.
.
2.
3.
More specifically,
laughter is the best
over-the-counter medicine.
Keep circulating the URL
Tales of employment
We all know the story
of how the eight members of
Wallace Hartley’s band
continued playing even as
the Titanic was sinking.
***
But sometimes I wonder,
what of the other service staff?
***
For instance, what was
the crepe-guy doing?
***
Was he making crepes?
***
Or, was he making a raft of crepes?
***
I think too of the
ship’s scarf juggler.
Did he continue
juggling scarves?
***
And did the Titanic even
have a scarf juggler?
***
I have no idea. I just assume, yes.
***
What of the legend
of the ship’s masseur?
***
Some claim that during
the ship’s final moments
the masseur could be seen
frantically giving
deep tissue leg massages.
***
Though to himself.
***
“Legs don’t fail me now!”
he was last heard to say.
.
Keep circulating the URL.
Windy skies at night, sailors fly kites
When-ever,
my good friend,
Akmal the
egg-laying boy,
invites me over
for breakfast,
I always make sure
to tell him,
“NO.”
.
Keep circulating the URL
Transference
My girlfriend said
she loved me a
“bushel and a peck”.
But that does not
fill me with
confidence, based
on her previous
statements regarding
dry measurements
.
2.
3.
Good news!
My friend quit
drugs cold turkey.
***
Bad news!
Now he’s addicted
to cold turkey.
***
Sometimes,
he calls me
late at night
and says,
***
“Hey man, you got any sandwiches?”
.
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TREFOLOGY: Life is short.
So is the next one.
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