.

My friends always make

fun of my eye-glasses

with little windshield

wiper blades on them.

***

But, I know I couldn’t

be the only one who

reads in the shower.

***

Still, I wonder —

***

would my friend still be

laughing

if I shoved these glasses so

far up their ass that they’re

begging to own a pair, too?

***

My guess would be no.

.

---

Cartoon characters

can survive being

shot in the face,

blown up by dynamite,

and falling from

tremendous heights.

So to hear Elmer Fudd

died during a simple

appendectomy procedure

makes no sense to me.

.

---

The gangster got up

and walked into the next

room. But when he got

there he could no longer

remember why he got up.

***

“That’s the Doorway Effect.”

said Sancho, laughing.

“Just come back in the room.

Sit down. And the idea will

return to you.”

***

So the gangster did. And as

soon as he did he remembered.

***

“Oh yeh! Get the gun. Kill Sancho.”

.

I’m thinking about

the things we used

to do that rhymed.

***

Like, practice gymkata.

***

Get the stigmata.

***

Make some frittatas …

***

Eat quite a-lotta.

***

Yes, I’m thinking about

the things we used

to do that rhymed.

.

A new laundromat

opened on my block. And

I did my laundry the

day of the Grand Opening.

***

Later, my girlfriend

asked what I thought

of the laundromat.

And I blurted out, “Grand!”

***

But then I felt dumb

for using the same word

that was on the banner.

***

So I quickly added,

***

“Awe-inspiring.”

.

---

2.

---

3.

—Love

*

Love is

like a

river.

A terrible terrible river.

. 

Writing

things down

seems like

a good idea

—on paper.

.

---

PROMOTED AD

What was eft is newt.

---

Trefology

When I was a kid

I knew I was almost

done with my soup

when I could see

the smiling face

of a clown at the

bottom of the bowl.

***

But it was the before.

***

Knowing he was down

there, unseen. That’s

what made me worry.

Because-who knows how

long that clown

could hold its breath.

.

---

2.

featured reader

Chewie.

When my Magic 8-ball tells me to

“Ask again later”

***

I assume it’s because

the demon that lives

inside the magic 8-ball

is probably

busy taking a bath,

***

or ironing a shirt.

***

or baking a cake

***

But, look — I know

I’m being ridiculous.

***

Because, really–

that demon could

be busy doing

literally anything.

.

---

2

I have decided to

put-off ALL further

confrontations until

after I am no more.

***

Going forward,

if someone tries

to start something

with me, I’ll say,

***

“Friend, let’s have this conversation, later, in heaven.”

***

Then, later,

in heaven,

if I run into

them again,

I’ll just say,

***

“You know what?

***

This is really a conversation for back on earth.”

.

 

The employee

turn-around at

the revolving-

door factory

was dizzying.

.