Humor

If no haystack is forthcoming

George Raymond28 Comments

If I jumped out of

a plane and my

parachute failed

to deploy, the

first thing I’d

do is look

for a haystack.

***

If no haystack

is forthcoming,

then I would look

for a pile of

old mattresses.

***

If no pile of

old mattresses

is forthcoming,

***

then I would

change tactics and

start looking

for somebody who

owes me money.

***

If no one who

owes me money

is forthcoming,

***

I suppose I

would just start

flapping my arms

.

.

Keep circulating the URL

28 thoughts on “If no haystack is forthcoming”

  1. Old joke:
    –A man fell out of an airplane.
    –Oh, that’s bad.
    –No, that’s good. He had a parachute.
    –Oh, that’s good.
    –No, that’s bad. The parachute failed to open.
    –Oh, that’s bad.
    –No, that’s good. Because he saw a haystack right below him.
    –Oh, that’s good.
    –No, that’s bad. Because there was a pitchfork in the haystack.
    –Oh, that’s bad.
    –No, that’s good. He missed the pitchfork.
    –Oh, that’s good.
    –No, that’s bad. He missed the haystack, too.

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  6. I did a charity skydive once and scared the living daylights out of my instructor. We left the plane and at 2000 feet he yelled at me “Pull your cord!”, and I replied “I’m OK this is fun”….at 1000 feet he yelled again, “Pull your cord!” and I responded, “The scenery is so enjoyable!”. At 500 the Instructor screamed “Pull your flipping cord!!!” and I said “Ooh I just saw my house.”. At 10 feet he cried, “Pull…..IT….NOW!!!” then at 2 feet he said ” TOO LATE!!!!” and I replied “Oh it’s ok….I can step down from here!”

    Suffice to say I’ve not done another skydive since!

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  13. Haystack, mattresses, someone that owes you money, arm-flapping. Yep, that’s the pre-flight check list. All the right stuff to go to Sporting level.
    That holds the arm-flapping until you spot the haystack you are looking for. The arm-flapping waves the first-cabin passengers out of the plane with a chance for a soft landing. You get points for every one that hits the hay. Then you return to the cockpit and look for a stack of mattresses, so you can flap the business-cabin passengers out of the plane with a chance to dream on. Then, to flap out someone that owes you money in economy, and tourists with return bookings, you look for a trampoline with a bullseye on it. It’s easy to miss, but it’s there. And trampoline hits add bonus air miles, rebounds add bonus points. Autopilot doesn’t offer this option.
    Watch for the beta version of my computer game – Iracus Sport – in Trefology airspace.

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