A good idea
for a book on
pet burial
would be a
hollowed-out book
Birdvertising
Last night, I was
awoken by a raven
that had flown in
through my open window,
and perched itself
atop my book-case.
***
“Who is there?” I cried.
“Let me give you what for!”
But t’wasn’t human that
answered.
***
Said the raven,
“Dinty Moore.”
***
Tell me, bird, I asked.
Are you an omen,
or divine?
Is this a message of
the future — of
what I have in store?
But my plea it went
unanswered.
***
Said the raven,
“Dinty Moore.”
***
“Wait,” I said, as
suddenly I knew.
“Dinty Moore?
The beef-stew?”
***
“Is that why you bother me?
Is this what you tout?
Is that why you woke me?”
***
Said the raven,
“I’ll show myself out.”
***
part two
***
The next morning,
still in my kerchief &
night-gown, I sat with
a cup of coffee at
the breakfast nook
***
Lit a bowl,
and pondered my
passerine
pop-in crook
***
… And how,
despite the intrusion,
I suppose some beef-stew
did sound pretty good.
***
When suddenly,
there was a tapping at my
window.
***
It was another raven!
This one dressed smart —
***
In a pressed white shirt
with black tie taut.
On a card table was an
e-meter.
***
Said the raven,
“Would you like to see a thought?”
Hessian tales
Back in the
Sleepy Hollow days,
if you lost your
head in an
industrial accident,
the insurance
company gave you
a horse
and a pumpkin.
.
2.
trefology continues to be
popular with ladies made
of lego.
Ghosts of refreshment past
Grandma told us
she would make us
her famous
“old-fashioned” lemonade.
***
Unfortunately she didn’t
have the main ingredient.
***
So, she asked us to
pray to God for a lemon.
***
And we did.
***
But no lemon was forthcoming.
***
To our surprise,
Grandma just smiled,
winked, and told us,
that she’ll have to
make lemonade —
out of our predicament.
***
But none of us were
looking to drink that shit.
.
.
PROMOTED AD
LIFE IS SHORT. AND SO IS THE NEXT ONE.
Start a career in TREFOLOGY to-day!
Contact us now at the phone number you think most likely
My dumb life
I was never very good
at practical jokes.
Like doorbell ditch.
***
I couldn’t co-ordinate
all the parts
***
I’d ring the bell,
and when
the door opened,
there I would be.
***
Standing there.
***
Snickering into my hand.
***
Like, some kind of
no-good-at-doorbell-ditch-kid.
A girl named, sincerely
I once had a
crush on a girl
named, Sincerely.
***
Then, one day,
she moved away.
***
I knew I would never
see her again, so I
wrote her a letter
***
It began
***
“Dear Sincerely,
George.
***
I ran out of room
right after
the greeting.
***
So at the bottom
I added a bunch of
X’s and O’s,
adding,
***
“P.S. This is what
tic-tac-toe
looks like
unbridled by the
number sign.”
.
2.
Modern necromancy
The restless spirit of
the Spanish ventriloquist
Senor Wences has begun
communicating through me.
***
Using my hand as a vehicle,
just as he once did with
his famous characters!
***
I say this to you,
confidentially and only
because, Senor Wences
has intimated that he
has something very
important to tell you—
ABOUT THE FUTURE!
***
So pull up a chair,
as I don’t want you to
miss a single word!
***
But first let me
apply some lip-stick
to my thumb
and forefinger.
***
Because there is
something else
I should tell you:
***
Senor Wences—
wants to kiss you!
The milk goes ’round and ’round
Insist on a
using a
crazy straw
at a
restaurant,
and suddenly
it is I,
the customer,
who is crazy
.
This one is dumb but there are better ones. Keep reading
Particular
My mom used
to cut all
the crust off
my sandwiches
because I
only like
the crust.
.
2.
3.
More specifically,
laughter is the best
over-the-counter medicine.
Keep circulating the URL
Tales of employment
We all know the story
of how the eight members of
Wallace Hartley’s band
continued playing even as
the Titanic was sinking.
***
But sometimes I wonder,
what of the other service staff?
***
For instance, what was
the crepe-guy doing?
***
Was he making crepes?
***
Or, was he making a raft of crepes?
***
I think too of the
ship’s scarf juggler.
Did he continue
juggling scarves?
***
And did the Titanic even
have a scarf juggler?
***
I have no idea. I just assume, yes.
***
What of the legend
of the ship’s masseur?
***
Some claim that during
the ship’s final moments
the masseur could be seen
frantically giving
deep tissue leg massages.
***
Though to himself.
***
“Legs don’t fail me now!”
he was last heard to say.
.
Keep circulating the URL.
t r e f o l o g y 