They say talking to

your plants can help

them grow. So I tried it.

***

To my surprise,

after a few weeks,

the plants began to

pick-up a few words.

***

But I am not dumb.

This is not a sign

of intelligence, so

much as it was the rote

memorization of sounds

.

 

“It’s a bird!”

“It’s a plane!”

“It’s superman!”

***

Said my friends.

***

But they were all wrong.

***

I had painted a flower.

.

---

If you want a

convict to sing

like a bird,

lock him in a cell

with a mirror & a

little bell.

***

But mark my words,

afterwards,

it’s going to be

a lot harder to

get him to sit

on your finger.

.

---

Take it from me,

don’t go to a job fair

expecting to be a

pie-eating Judge.

Unless, of course,

it is your

life’s ambition!

---

PROMOTED AD

My friend told

me that

during his trip to

Thailand, he tried

fried monkey brain

***

And he said it tasted like chicken

***

I was glad to hear it.

***

Because I’ve tried chicken,

***

And now I don’t have

to try monkey brain

 PROMOTED AD

Whenever I get a

letter addressed to

me or “current resident,”

I wonder what I did

to make them think I

might’ve skipped town.

During the coming

World War

Target stores

will be bombed first

purely in the

name of irony

A good Friend

may contact you

& unprompted

bring up the

subject of trefology.

***

HOW WILL YOU REPLY?

.

---

PROMOTED AD

I always feel

guilty

when I throw away

an apple core,

because I know

those

apple seeds had

some big plans