My girlfriend said

she loved me a

“bushel and a peck”.

But that does not

fill me with

confidence,

based on her

previous statements

regarding

dry measurements

.

2.

3.

Good news!

My friend quit

drugs cold turkey.

***

Bad news!

Now he’s addicted

to cold turkey.

***

Sometimes,

he calls me

late at night

and says,

“Hey man, you got any sandwiches?”

.

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Keep circulating the URL

Legend has it,

a young Abraham Lincoln

once walked five miles

just to deliver a letter.

***

To keep it safe

he placed the letter

high beneath the crown

of his stovepipe hat.

***

When Abe finally

arrived, a tired Lincoln

removed his hat and

presented the letter.

***

The family was grateful,

but visibly dismayed to

find the letter covered with

sweat, oil, and coarse

black hair, that wreathed

the letter like a holiday

ribbon.

***

Not wanting to insult

Young Abraham, the

family nevertheless would

only accept the letter

using a pair of tongs.

***

The unflappable A. Lincoln

merely laughed.

***

And when the letter

was opened,

the family laughed, too,

***

For inside the envelope

was a shampoo sample.

.

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2.

(sign in west covina, CA)

Everyone must be someplace.

What brought you here?

Keep circulating the URL

Did William Shakespeare

write all of the

works attributed to him?

***

I say, No.

And here is my proof:

Have you ever

read the play,

Romeo & Juliet?

That shit

writes itself.

fo

Step on a crack —

break your

mama’s back.

***

Avoid every

crack you see —

mama get’s ocd

.

Keep circulating the URL

I bet the first

person to eat

their own toes

was probably

pretty hungry!

.

2.

3.

Chant daily:

Harvey Kurtzman,

Harvey Kurtzman,

Harvey, Harvey,

Kurtzman, Kurtzman

.

Keep circulating the URL

A man boards a

727 to Denver.

***

But for reasons he

cannot explain, he

immediately exits

the plane.

***

A few minutes later,

leaving the terminal,

the man hails a taxi,

telling the driver

to take him to

Denver, Colorado.

***

The man’s taxi

then takes off into

the air, crashing

into the

727 to Denver.

***

Question:

How did this man know the plane was going to crash?

.

* special thanks to Koala LaFong, for use of the photo

Reminder:

Though the TV

series the

Big Bang Theory

was cancelled,

you can still

see the cosmic

microwave

remnants of it

when you turn

your tv

to static.

I think

Silly String

should fight

Silly Putty

for

silly supremacy.

.

Keep circulating the URL.