I always suspected

the nuns at my

Catholic school

were all secretly,

Pavlovianists.

***

Before they

would hit us

with a ruler

***

they would first ring a bell

***

And, then, after a while,

all they had to do

was ring the bell.

And we would all welt.

I went to a

garage sale

run by a man who

had no bones

***

He just hung there

on a clothes line,

held with clips,

***

flapping about in the wind,

***

making deals.

***

And I was sorting thru

a box of things for sale

***

when I came upon an

entire human skeleton.

***

“Hey”, I said to him,

***

“you don’t want this anymore?”

I once ran away

to join the circus

***

only to have the

circus run away to

join my family

***

So then I tried to join my family, too

***

but Mom had

already given

my room to

the bearded lady.

.

---

2.

A hearty thanks.

Photo courtesy of

cfMC FEROX, of S.F. Ca.

author of

The Font In The Forever Channel

IF the guy who

invented the

Heimlich Maneuver

***

was ever at a cafe,

when somebody

began choking

***

I could easily see

him getting a little

cocky about it.

***

“Looks like it’s time for the ‘me’ maneuver.”

.

---

2.

If a tree

falls in

the forest

and no one

is there,

that

is still

one

clumsy tree.

If you should ever

catch on fire, they say

you should immediately

“Stop, Drop and Roll”

***

But, while they may

say “Roll” they do not

say in which direction.

So I would add

***

” … away from me.”

.

 

IF there is

one thing

I don’t like,

it’s

having to

limit my

grievances to

one thing

When I die I want

to have a post-mortem

photo taken of me

for posterity, just

as they did in

the Victorian Age

***

But—I want the photo

to be taken at one of

those old-timey photo

studios like, they have

at the wharf.

***

So if anyone asks when I died

***

My family can say

“Back in the days of the Old West.”

.

---

2.

Taken circa 1972 at Columbia State Historic Park in Columbia, CA.

Can you spot me?

I think

my cousin, Bob

has ADHD&D,

because Bob

is very easily

distracted by

dungeons

and dragons.

.

---

Keep circulating the URL

I shouldn’t have

lied during the

job interview.

***

I know that now.

***

Like when

I told them

I was an

arm-wrestling

champion

***

and I lived under the sea

***

and I knew Excel

***

and I have twelve fingers,

… on each hand

***

But mostly,

I regret the Excel part

***

because that was

the one thing

they tested me on.