IF the guy who

invented the

Heimlich Maneuver

***

was ever at a cafe,

when somebody

began choking

***

I could easily see

him getting a little

cocky about it.

***

“Looks like it’s time for the ‘me’ maneuver.”

.

---

2.

If a tree

falls in

the forest

and no one

is there,

that

is still

one

clumsy tree.

If you should ever

catch on fire, they say

you should immediately

“Stop, Drop and Roll”

***

But, while they may

say “Roll” they do not

say in which direction.

So I would add

***

” … away from me.”

.

 

IF there is

one thing

I don’t like,

it’s

having to

limit my

grievances to

one thing

When I die I want

to have a post-mortem

photo taken of me

for posterity, just

as they did in

the Victorian Age

***

But—I want the photo

to be taken at one of

those old-timey photo

studios like, they have

at the wharf.

***

So if anyone asks when I died

***

My family can say

“Back in the days of the Old West.”

.

---

2.

Taken circa 1972 at Columbia State Historic Park in Columbia, CA.

Can you spot me?

I think

my cousin, Bob

has ADHD&D,

because Bob

is very easily

distracted by

dungeons

and dragons.

.

---

Keep circulating the URL

I shouldn’t have

lied during the

job interview.

***

I know that now.

***

Like when

I told them

I was an

arm-wrestling

champion

***

and I lived under the sea

***

and I knew Excel

***

and I have twelve fingers,

… on each hand

***

But mostly,

I regret the Excel part

***

because that was

the one thing

they tested me on.

---

2.

.

“She Hasn’t Got a Mean Bone”

written and performed

by George J. Raymond

copyright © 2023

---

3.

She goes to church on Sunday

She goes to work on Monday

She does the very best she can

***

She loves her mother

She loves her father

Takes good care of her man

***

She hasn’t got a mean bone

***

If she ever got in trouble

it would surely pop her bubble

***

And it’s gonna break my heart

to watch her fall apart

***

Lies — she don’t tell ’em

Alibis — she don’t use ’em

She’s always true to herself

***

She sees the good in you

Ignores the bad in you

She gives everybody an even chance

***

She hasn’t got a mean bone.

---

4.

Happy 81st Birthday, Dad!

Don’t worry!

***

It’s human nature

to want to fly

like a bird.

***

And then—

***

once you are

flying like a bird,

your poor arms

flapping about

***

It’s human nature

to want to stop,

and maybe — rest

for a spell on yon

electrical pole.